08 January 2008

notes to self: remembering

hosting a giveaway is like a mini meet n' greet. i love how people really come out of the woodwork. it's like magic. thank you for the fabulous feedback.

it's snowing today and luckily i am wearing my cozy urban shirt (thanks whit). i adore it and go straight to it when i want to feel like wearing my jammies to work. i like when dan drives me to work and the sheets of snow slip off the roof of our car onto our windshield like mini glaciers.

there are happy moments surrounding me lately. i am barely holding on to them all because i am still gripping onto 2007 memories. i have been thinking a lot lately. while working, while driving, while showering, it's haunting me. a phrase keeps coming to my mind. what will i remember. not so much a question, but a statement. what will i remember. i've come to the conclusion that life is ever-changing. and how you live your days is how you live your life. it's the daily routine that i remember. not necessarily the extraordinary parts of life, but the ordinary daily things. those things are what i remember. they are ingrained. i feel a change of pace coming on and thus, i feel that i have to capture what i have in the here & now. before it's gone. let me break this thought-process down.

my life as a whole looks like a series of stages. yes, in my mind, my life can be broken down into sections. when i was younger, the sections consisted of years in school including yearly free-as-a-bird summer vacations. and when i think back to high school, i think of the classes, the jr. prom, the boys, the silliness, the happiness, the insecurities, the carefree freedom. but if i had to flash to one solid memory of high school, i mainly remember walking to my locker. i have a handful of hot tamale candies (coloring my palm a light shade of pink) in one hand, a pen in my back pocket and a friend by my side. my hair is done in twists. and i am wearing a navy hoodie (with the patch from switzerland that my dad sewed to it). the sun is shining through the windows of the atrium near the library. she and i are laughing at an inside joke, because my whole high school career was sewn together by a thread of inside jokes.

skip to the stage of life, just a couple of years ago when we lived in california, the oc. the glamour, the sun, the dreamy shopping, the months of grey skies, the awesome restaurants, reading by the pool while waiting to switch my laundry, the saturdays at huntington beach. so many discoveries, so many happy days filled our time there. yet, my solid memory: me listening to morning radio while sitting in my car on my drive to work. it sounds like such a pathetic memory to have of living in a gorgeous city. but those were my days, the true beginnings of my career life. it is a scene that i flash to, the way the sun melted over the palm trees in my windshield in the early mornings and the way i noticed everyone talking on their cell phones before work and the way i prepped myself before my daily entrance into a chaotic world of designing this & that for the orange county public. i could probably drive that same street with my eyes closed. the traffic didn't bother me like it does so many, if you plan for it, it's not so bad. you just have extra time to think. and think. and think. that is what i remember.

back up to the old days when i lived in my old house. i remember singing with my sisters by the piano and sitting on their beds listening to them chat, i handed pete his tools in the garage to fix his vw and laid on the grass talking with friends. we would do homework on the long dining room table until the night outside was so black that the windows were simply mirrors of our studying reflections. we watched movies by the fire, had dinner 'round the table and enjoyed many sleepless slumber parties. i remember watching my siblings leave for dates and listening to my parents watch Cheers and Mash as i fell asleep. childhood is one big feeling. i feel fortunate that it remains such a good memory for me. wholesome, simple and happy. i wonder what my children will remember about the home i create.

days pass so quickly. the stages of life turn and evolve before we are even ready. i have decided i have to engage myself into my life more fully. so that what i will remember will be colorful and rich and without regret. i want to learn and grow and remember and unfold myself into the best self i can. because i believe we aren't changing, we are simply unfolding who we are. the potential is already within us. this is my goal for 2008.


on another note. am happy to have found this calendar by russel + hazel. it's a perfect downloadable little beauty wherein i can circle and note and scribble all my important days of the new year. am happy that i had one when dan and i were falling in love. it was a calendar similar to this and i circled all of our momentous occasions and i drew lines out saying first kiss/ i love you's / proposal / etc. i love having it in my wedding book and refer to it often. i mean, yes of course, he had me at hello, but all the days which followed were just as blissful.

happy remembering.
happy making the most of this day.
and all the days to follow.

21 comments:

Tori said...

LOOOOVE this post! Totally made my day, thanks for sharing!

feltc said...

Your words were delicious today. I wanted to keep reading and reading. You've given me lots to ponder on. Thank you.

cyndi & lee said...

I've said it before and I'm going to say it again...you are such an inspiration! Your words always give me something to ponder and I love that about you and your blog. Thank you for giving of yourself so that we can become the person we want, and are meant, to be!

Nicole said...

Beautiful writing is definitely one of your many talents. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and inspiring me to remember the everyday moments.

misti said...

Are you sure you aren't me?? LOL, I mean in that I am such a reminiscer that I find myself doing the same things. Sometimes one little thing will trigger a memory, one that was neatly tucked.

Leah said...

beautiful post.
thank you.

Stie: My Favorite Things said...

You are such a beautiful, poetic writer. Your words flow like images off the pages and make me want to keep reading forever. Don't ever stop writing, little M.

amy said...

thanks for all your help marta. surely it may take me some time :), but i'm excited to update + improve. thank you.

i worry too about remembering things. i know i have an excellent memory. i observe a lot of things and can remember them with force + time, but i always panic, and state, just as you do. what will i remember.

thanks for this post. little M said it all :)] xo.

brooke said...

I love this post. It is very thought-provoking--especially when I think about what my own kids will remember from their childhood. I need to remember to make it magical--not just mundane.

{natalie} said...

you make it seem so effortless, the way you can write. i just love it. thank you!

Marty said...

You have found the secret of life. You will never look back with regret, because you get so much from each moment. Although you are definitely on your way somewhere, you don't live that way. You appreciate the present, remember the past and anticipate the future in an uncommon way. I love reading your memories. They're my memories, too.

Alyssa said...

Love your thoughts about remembering and time unfolding who we are. This is definitely something I should focus more on.

Love that little calendar too!

LAURA said...

you write these lovely words in what seems like an effortless breath. thank you for starting my day with such a reflective, and for me, timely piece of your thoughts.
i'll remember this.

Lucy R. E. said...

each day, and today especially, you inspire me to live life more thoroughly and deeply. thank you for sharing your insights and memories. as a friend of mine once said, they make my life about two shades more rose-tinted.

AndersenFamily said...

Mini Mart! It has been way too long since I have seen you. I was just looking through different blogs and fell upon yours. You have always been an amazing writer I am so glad you can share your talent. I can remember several days throughout our lives when we have been the ones laughing at one of our inside jokes. I would love to get together with you sometime! your long lost first friend,Suzanne (Wade) Andersen

katie said...

lovely, lovely. your writing is so sensory, i feel like i'm there with you in all those moments.

Enjoy Celebrations and Occasions said...

Get out! You lived in Huntington Beach? Truly kindered spirits we are!
Your writing always leaves me pondering and full of inspiration. I am in awe of your ability to capture life through words.

KYLe said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
AndiMae said...

Sweet Marta,
This is one of the loveliest things have read in a long time- seriously beautiful! Please don't ever quit blogging- you so inspiring!

.caroline armelle. said...

i loved that post!
you really have a way with words. you should seriously consider writing a novel someday..

dragonflydreamer said...

Such a lovely and meaningful post. I wish I were as wise as you are when I was your age. I am bookmarking this post so I can be reminded of how precious the ordinary moments of life are to created a happy life.

xo Susi xo

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