blogging & jealousy
Q: It seems obvious that blogging has brought a lot of good things into your life, but has it brought any challenges? I sometimes think the blogging world breeds jealousy among women? Have you had any issues like these?
A: wow. what a fantastic question. it came to me anonymously via formspring, but i thought this week's workshop was a good time to pull it onto the blog to answer it and gain your insights on the matter too.
yes, blogging is good. as if i haven't mentioned that enough. among other things, i appreciate the friendships made, the clients gained, the outlet of creativity, the exchange of good ideas, the communication with outsiders, and the inspiration from one and all. if i didn't love or believe in blogging i wouldn't pour myself into it as i do.
that being said, like anything, the good and bad go hand in hand. blogging is like taking a dog for a walk in the park. the sun is shining warm rays, you are happy to have a day off to play, your dog is jumping with joy, fetching his frisbee, all is well and dandy. everything about the experience is a delight. yet still the time must come when you have to carry his crap in a little baggie. it's not pleasant in the least. and you don't necessarily love that particular aspect of living with your four legged friend, however you deal with it and life goes on. like blogging, you deal with the crap so you can enjoy the good.
the crappy parts of blogging come in a number of forms; i will name a few. you are fearful about putting yourself out there. you feel greedy; you want what they have. you care too much of what others may think. you don't get any comments. you can't think up anything original to post about. you copy and paste everything onto your own blog. you are inspired by others but feel that you cannot possibly inspire others. you get sucked into everyone else's life. you are green with envy. you have unreal assumptions about bloggers. you start thinking everyone is more successful, talented, and all around better than you are. sound familiar??
if you start down this path, you'll begin to imagine that you are the only blogger who cannot cook, who cannot scrapbook, who cannot modge podge correctly, who cannot write hilarious memoirs, who cannot reupholster, who cannot be fashionable on a dime, who cannot be a fun mom, a darling wife or a super business woman all at once. and you can certainly not attempt to bake those tiny cupcake balls and dip them into little lollipops with sesame street character features that will be recognizable to your one year old at the party that you are throwing him that better be blogable, or else.
why do we do this? why do we become envious and want to become just like this person or that person. and most of them, people we've never even met in real life. we do not know that they are human. they may even have crooked teeth or large feet or a strange birthmark. we think they are, unlike ourselves, perfect in every way.
we should admire these people, but we must resist the urge of wanting to morph into them. for example, i can love miss bakerella and her genius one-of-a-kind idea of molding cake onto a stick and making it so cute you can hardly stand it. i can even applaud her creations with a standing ovation, without needing to be just like her. in an ideal world, we should appreciate what others do without comparing ourselves with them. we can be inspired. we can even attempt to do what another blogger does, but we do not have to hold ourselves up to the impossible standard that we conjure up in our heads. this breeds jealousy and self-doubt and horrible mood swings. i must admit, somedays i ball together all the bloggers i love and all the qualities i admire about them until i've created one giant super mommy monster blogger that looms over me. let me describe her to you.
she is currently traveling the states for her booktour. it just debuted on the new york times bestseller list, naturally. this is only the tip of the iceberg, people. she is on the cutting edge of fashion and music. she has an eye for design. she not only lunches with the rich and famous, but she is a darling mother and wife and cooks dinners from scratch every evening. she is down to earth and drop dead gorgeous. and talented too. she letterpressed her own wedding invitations. her dress was flown in from milan and she had her groom's name embroidered on the hem in tiffany blue to be her something blue. that night everyone went home with a smile and a hand-wrapped box of her famous mint truffles, which had their monograms on them. in coordinating calligraphy to match the menus.
her house is always clean and smells of pine-sol. she hunts consignment shops and flea markets for original vintage wares to fill her home. she found an antique birdcage and sprayed it gold just last week. oh and her baby wears all handsewn dresses. that were made of bamboo eco-friendly material that will never hurt the earth. and her baby has this name that is so graceful and classic, the sweetest name that no one has ever thought of before. and she uses cloth diapers too. she and her little one spend time learning about the world in their backyard butterfly aviary. her 18 month old can repeat the origins of each butterfly species, sing the alphabet, and control her cup so it never spills apple juice down her lacy peter pan collar. the family eats out of her vegetable garden and she bakes bread from organic bananas. she delivers it to neighbors, wrapped with organza silk ribbons, on birthdays.
she has tons of friends, hosts a girl's night every month and seems to be speaking at blogging conventions every season. she has never had an embarrassing moment, a bad hair day or a tacky prom dress. she is funny and sweet and thoughtful. she sends timely thank yous and answers every email in her inbox with flair. her ability to arrange flowers has been featured in magazines across the globe. annie leibovitz will be shooting her in the hamptons next summer. she has already bought (and blogged about) the strappy sandals she'll be wearing for it. she owns all the latest gadgets and has created her own app. she still has time to sing her babies to sleep and cuddle with her husband and keep the laundry folded round the clock. she never has any sort of breakdown about frivolous things like cranberry sauce or pitted black olives. she blogs freely without wasting time, whining about life, criticizing or copying others.
oh and she has a booming photography business on the side. did i mention that? she snaps shots of coordinating-clothed families on the train tracks and pregnant woman with their tanned bare bellies and newborns lying on overstuffed floral anthropologie chairs. speaking of anthropologie, she does the window displays for their santa barbara location. they fly her in on the weekends. afterwards she flies kites at the beach with disabled children and then sells the colorful kites on etsy.
a few weeks ago, she made cupcake pops for her husband's super bowl party. they looked like teeny tiny drew brees helmets. she is always thinking up the best ideas and would never serve something so menial as meatballs from a crockpot.
see, i too get carried away with blog envy! lately i've been dealing with it by reaching out and commenting more often on the blogs i love. even if they have 100+ comments already, i know that every comment counts, so i tell them how awesome i think their blog is, how great their story was or how i am inspired by their projects, etc. i try to be specific and leave a meaningful comment. we should give credit where credit is due and tell them we appreciate the fact that they are sharing a piece of themselves with us. this small tactic helps me stay grounded. if we let ourselves, we can be overwhelmed and overcome with so many fancy famed bloggers that do seemingly everything. talents we wish we had ourselves. why, i ask you, why does it always come back to ourselves? why can we not just be happy for others and leave ourselves out of it?! why are we so competitive?
if we stay true to ourselves, love ourselves, live a balanced life, we can cut the crap and simply enjoy what we do do. we can get real. see things as they are. we can gain joys from our own simple silly lives. no matter how unpicture-perfect they may seem. just do the best you can. be the olympian of your own life. from one imperfect blogger to the next, i beg of you please be happy with who you are, what you have to offer. and blog about that. my lengthy message today boils down to my motto in life. six little words.
u be u. i'll be me.
want to save this post as a resource? a printable version is available in my ebook, The Blogging & Business Workbook. You'll also find expertise from popular bloggers, dozens of great tips on blogging and articles on setting up your own online business.
252 comments:
1 – 200 of 252 Newer› Newest»You're the best!
This made me feel empowered.
Thank you.
You struck a chord when you wrote about an event being bloggable, 'or else.' When my husband and I had our 11th anniversary last weekend, I thought about all the amazing things I am sure other blogger would do to celebrate the day. Bake a gorgeous cake, string up handmade bunting, who knows what else...and I started to panic at the thought of not living up to all the opportunity that there is in such a day.
I finally took a deep breath and accepted that my husband and I don't celebrate like that. We like to make a pasta dinner, watch a movie on the couch, and cuddle with our dog like every other night. Maybe take a trip down memory lane and look at old photos. But that's it. And that's reality. That's my real life!
I've suffered from blog envy at times, felt overwhelmed fellow bloggers gorgeous homes, sweet babies, amazingly creative ideas...But then I look over my blog, and remember how blessed I am just to have time to blog at all!
I appreciate your honesty Marta.
And I'm really enjoying these posts of yours.
xo country girl
oh marta, how i love this. it really is so easy to fall into that rut, isn't it? partly because, i think, people can portray themselves however they wish on blogs. they choose not to discuss the "real" or "ugly". recently i was reading a post about an experience someone had at alt, and they casually mentioned the "daytime" professions of a couple of big-name bloggers. see? we never think about that. we think everyone sits at their house beautiful-esque desk in their pj's and drinks coffee and peruses through oodles of pretty pictures.
thanks for the wakeup. let's just be us.
I always repeat to myself: "No one can do YOU like you can. Be yourself!"
Btw, I think you and I have the same life (y'know Santa Barbara, speaking at conferences, laundry folded ALL the time) hehehe
Marta,
Thank you! Posting your guest post today and while writing my introduction, a thought the very same things you mentioned in this post! And once again, I'm so grateful that you've brought the fears and jealousies into the light. It is freeing and refreshing to hear that someone so many of us admire has a sense of the same and can whisk away the lurking llama---those matters that spit on the day!
Thank you so much!
Your 'super mommy monster blogger' narrative cracks me up! I think I will print it out and keep it by my desk...and forward it to my husband!
You have such a refreshing outlook on blogging and life. Keep it coming!
Oh Marta, I loved this! Your giant super mommy monster blogger is my favorite! My favorite line: "and she has created her own app.
I completely agree that one of the ways to combat those twinges of envy is to be generous and complimentary in your appreciation of others' talents. Leaving a comment, despite the number the blogger already has is a great way for me to express that. Or even sending an email.
Love the workshop, Marta dear!
thanks for this post. i know there are lots of bloggers that i envy - who seem to throw the most wonderful gatherings, go on wonderful trips, never seem to be overwhelmed or feel like they're in "the depths of despair", can manage their business and home-life with ease (and also manage to wear make-up and find time to exercise, etc. etc.). i have to remind myself sometimes that the only window into their lives is the one that they provide, so they might have the same uncool, unhappy, unexciting experiences i have and just choose not to blog them.
Wow. Just...wow. Love it! Thanks so much for the encouragement.
I'm loving this workshop! So many great ideas. My husband and I have a blog together and he is quite focused on the number of readers we have. It seems to really bother him that our readership is low, or when he doesn't get a single comment on a post, even though we've only had the blog for a few months. I'm going to get him to read these posts, and maybe he'll learn to stop comparing himself to other bloggers.
This is a great reminder that I needed to read, today. I just discovered, you, this morning, from a tweet. I'm glad I clicked through!
sometimes I forget that we all feel envious of someone else from time to time. I keep thinking I'm the only one who is not perfect. Thanks for the perspective.
Marta,
You've just written one of the most authentic, humorous and inspiring posts I've read in quite some time. Thank you for being you, and for reminding each of us that just being ourselves IS good enough. We all need that little kick in the rear from time to time when we're trying to recover from a case of blogger envy. :-)
great post.
totally agree.
and i think the hardest part for me is the anonymity. how is it that one negative comment out of 100 can make me feel 2 inches tall? ugh.
love.
That's really the truth. I think every blogger lives with the idea of a super alter blogger that is better. It's important to reflect on it and on the things that really matter: your life is not your blog. Everybody has bad hair days...
I really enjoyed reading this post and I had so much fun with the super-mommy-blogger!
love this post....i think it resonates with everyone. i am very much a "keep the kids birthday's simple & fun type of gal" and I can't even believe some of the work, time & money that some people put into one year old bday parties these days! But then I remind myself, that its their choice to spend their time, money & energy doing that and I choose differently.
I recall reading a quote recently where a blogger said, I choose to make my life blog-worthy. I sat on that statement for awhile. I understand where she was coming from with that. But I think its more important that we all make life LIFE-worthy...ya know what I mean?
Anyway, your entire series has been delightful - thanks for all of your hard work!
xo, jenny
This was a great post! And something I have never seen talked about on any blog. I have felt it on both sides of the spectrum (I am not good enough OR I can't post those projects or I'll make someone else feel bad.) I have continued blogging and agree with you that you have to strike a balance and remember what you're blogging for. Thank you!
This really hit me. Sometimes I am so stricken with jealousy, it makes me sick! Your writing really made me stop and think about why I get jealous. I don't have a blog yet and haven't created one because I didn't think it would compare to the ones already out there. But you made me realize that we each have something unique to offer.
Thanks, Marta! Everyday I look forward to what you post next.
Thanks for the push this morning. I'm off to be me, and perhaps make some meatballs from a crock pot tonight!
LOVE this post. ha! you are such a gifted writer. so happy i stumbled across your blog... looking forward to whatever comes next!
Wow, love this post. That super mommy monster blogger, she appears from time to time in my head, too! Thanks for reminding us that SHE DOESN'T EXIST! Also that us flawed humans are the most fun to read about. :)
I'm generally a lurker on most blogs I read but you have inspired me to comment more and let the blogger know how much I appreciate their brillance. Loved this article by the way ;)
I don't usually comment on your blog, though I adore it faithfully, for the very inferiority complex you talk about in this post! But today, oh today, I am speaking up!
Thank you Marta. For honesty, for bravery and for making me laugh till I almost peed my pants while eating my oatmeal. Your "super mommy blogger monster" description made my week.
I am linking to THIS POST tomorrow. I hope you'll let me include a photo of darling you?
Samantha Lee
Marta! Thanks so much for sharing your answer to this question.
It is so true.
It is so easy to get wrapped up in someone's account of their life and find yourself wishing you were that "wonderful."
Once thing I've really tried to do is stay true to myself - what I KNOW I love to do, and what I am comfortable doing - what is authentically me. Whether that will get me readers or not well...I can't say that I care. I think my first rule is to make my blog about me and see if anyone is interested. I'm not going to be who I think other people want me to be and I am most certainly not going to try and emulate someone else. I don't live my life the way some of the bloggers I read do but that doesn't make my life any less interesting or complete.
Marta, this workshop is wonderful!
MARTA this post is absolutely genius and extraordinarily inspiring. Thank you for being so relatable and making us all realize the importance of appreciating each other. Might it be the key to life? I think it might. "Be the olympian of your own life" is pure gold (and gave me chills). GRAZI, --Allie
I recently moved and will be spending six months hiking so my Google Reader has been backed up and impossible to read and I've been marking all as read. And it has been so nice because I haven't been thinking so hard about blogging or wondering just how great my blog should be.
And oh, if we could only be half as good as what we see on a blog---it's only the smallest sliver of a person anyway.
Keep up the good work, Marta. You are always inspiring, even if you aren't flying to the Hamptons to be shot by Annie Leibovitz.
What a great post--it had me laughing, great way to start the morning : ) Great things to keep in mind, thank you!
AMEN sista! Well said, and so, so true. Why can't we celebrate the joy of who we are without wondering what someone else thinks? There is beauty in each and every one of us, and once we see it in ourselves, the jealously fades and the glory shines.
Thanks so much for sharing!
I am LOVING the workshop but this post really resonated with me. Thank you so much for writing it. Love it.
Hah! So in my super mommy monster blogger you'd be the part of "... completely down to earth, never forgets to live her real life and stay close with her family, this beautiful kiddo boy who even helps emptying the dishwasher, oh and did I mention? she's a really good writer, too, but never brags. The little handmade things she sells in her shop are so simple and adorable, shipping happiness around the world."
:)
Thank you for this!
Seriously the best post ever Marta. It's so easy to feel sorry for yourself while in the midst of blog land.
We just have to be happy with who we are.
It's easy to forget to do that and get caught up in what a perfect mommy blogger everyone else is.
Thank you for the reminder.
Wow. Just ... Wow. Thanks for writing such a fantastic post!
Marta, you are awesome!! I love this workshop and I love the call to just be ourselves. So true and good. We have only a short time here on Earth, and we shouldn't waste another minute comparing ourselves to anyone! Thanks so much for the inspiration, your bog has become one of my favorites :) Am loving the workshop!
What a great post! I'm so pleased to have found your blog today. Self-doubt can be a killer. I'm bookmarking this to come back to on those days when everyone else's work looks so much better to me.
Wow! Right on! I feel the same way sometimes (to much of the time). I love how you summed it up... u be u and I'll be me! What a great motto. This workshop is awesome! Thank you so much Marta!
Here, here! Well said.
Hi Marta,
I read your blog every day, but have never left a comment until now... Your post today was hilarious, as I feel so far from your blogging superwoman today (I don't even blog)At the moment I am two weeks behind with a work assignement, not cooking dinner, not paying enough attention to my big boys, no make up on, haven't been for a run, house is a mess, but I don't care!!! Love your blog :) Greetings from Solli in Norway
brava! you are so very witty and so very sincere. thank you for writing this post!! i'm betting my life that someday you will definitely be on the new york times bestseller list...it might not be today, but it will certainly be some day. thank you for making me laugh, smile, and maybe tear up a little.
this might be the best blog entry yet. it is by far my favorite! i think i am getting the most out of this one and i feel like my own unique voice is important. thank you for that because right now thats exactly what i need.
So what I needed to find and read today!! Loooooved this post. Thank you!
I really enjoyed this post. That description of the super blogger was great - laughed all the way. I don't think I realized some people might feel this way. I am going to post my frustrations and failed dinners right along with my good ones. I would love a tshirt with your "u be us. i'll be me." on it. It's genius. You should make those in your spare time!
This is a completely wonderful post. LOVE. I definitely have found myself with blogger envy. I often have problems with blogs that want to tell me how to do things (like, how to live - simplemom is an example - I can't bear to read it some months!). I much prefer reading blogs where it is clear that the people are REAL. They are not perfect, and it's ok. Makes me love them even more. There are only one or two blogs out there that I absolutely love ready everyday, no matter what.
Thank you for this post. This is one of the biggest reasons that I stopped blogging...I feel like everyone else was already doing it better so how could I compete? I appreciate your honesty about it and find encouragement to get back on the blogging train sometime soon! Really enjoy reading this week!
Thank you! I like you.
I was laughing when I read about the Super Mommy Blogger Monster, but I was also shaking my head in agreement because I have conjured up those images in my head a million times......not just that that person exists, but that somehow I need to be more like her. I started blogging as a fun, creative outlet but I have noticed myself getting caught up in the blogging rat-race lately, and it is time to step back and reevaluate....thanks for the reminder and for the encouragement!!
Wow! I had to read that twice and then read it to a friend.
I find myself getting caught up in that same familiar state of envy at times and often have to stop blogging to regain my sense of self and appreciate the wonderful things I have in my own life.
We ALL must remember that we have our own unique talents and rather than trying to be like others, embrace our flubs (we can only learn from them) and showcase what makes us feel wonderful. A great place to start...living by your values (what is most important to you in life)!
http://sixcherriesontop.blogspot.com
great entry..I can relate in every way.
that was WONDERFUL. i quoted you on my status on facebook
just what i needed. thanks, marta!!
Ha ha ha. LOVED the description of the perfect blogger. So perfect.
You're doing a wonderful job, Marta! I love your blog. So fresh.
great post, great reminder, great description!
i am the one who left you that question on formspring, marta & thank you so much for answering! quite frankly, your answer blew me away!
all of the advice you gave was dead on. i appreciate it so much. i have always said that i blog for myself first, my future family second (i want my kids to read about their parents as newlyweds some day) and my friends/readers last.
i used to care a lot about getting comments, but i can honestly say that i've gotten to the point where if i feel good about what i've written and if it is real, genuine and heartfelt, i feel good about it, period. regardless of whether anyone else does.
it was so inspiring to hear you tell it like it is. if only everyone in the blogging world had the same attitude!
again, thank you for answering.
Alright, sister, this post just got to me...Can I get an amen?!?
Thanks so much for saying what we all feel at times...Glad to know I am not alone.
so so so true! It is so easy to fall into, so many talented and wonderful bloggers out there! I have to just keep saying to myself "self, be yourself!"
Authentic. Honest. Funny. Real.
Inbetween snort laughs, I'm nodding my head in agreement! Thank you for inspiring us.
i am tuning in a little late this week--just finished catching up on the overwhelming amount of good thoughts + good advice you have brewing! the super blogger absolutely cracks me up. i especially love her commutes to santa barbara and the disabled kite flyers. :) am so looking forward to your thoughts on time management tomorrow!
EXCELLENT post! It's almost comical how competitive it can get when it should just be life. That's it. Crazy! :) Thanks for your insight.
Awesome post. I think all too often we feel like we don't measure up and we have to ask ourselves just who is doing the measuring? I am guilty of thinking I'm not crafty enough, funny enough, interesting enough so why even bother, but I'm determined to plug along, find my own voice and be the best me I can.
Your description of the super mommy blogger made me smile as big as Texas. Who are we kidding when we dream up these super women? yet we all do and then mercilessly compare ourselves to them.
Oh, how I loved this post. It's like you sucked the thoughts right from my own brain and wrote them down. I am so very happy to hear that other people have the same image of SuperBlogger in their mind, too!
I'm still insecure, but not alone :).
I love this so much. Thank you for saying what so many of us are thinking.
I totally agree that commenting is important and helps keep the jealousy at bay. Kindness is a great way to dispel envy, in non-blogging life as well.
I've also cut back on the sheer number of blogs that I read for the same reason that I cut back on the number and frequency of magazines I read - because, frankly, I just don't think it's healthy to be spending so much time focused on what other people are doing/wearing/making. You start to get unrealistic expectations like the ones you've so eloquently described!
My favorite blogs are the ones that are authentic and REAL. Isn't that why we all started blogging in the first place? :) Not so that we can throw perfectly color-coordinated birthday parties for our children (even when what they really want is a gaudy Sesame Street bash) but so that we can share what is really on our hearts.
Thanks again for this, Marta.
love it!
Love this! It speaks to every thought I've had about blogging. Sometimes I have to stop and remind myself that when I'm reading someones blog, I'm reading what they have chosen to share. They may only choose to portray the good in their life, which is fabulous for them, I just have to remember that they may also have dog poop they are carrying and just not sharing with us.
Thank you for this post!
Fantastic post. Thank you!!
Hello Marta! What a great post, I can totally relate to the "blog elephant in the room" and I am learning how to embrace myself right where I'm at, that goes for the hobbies I enjoy, the time I make to blog and my life beyond the computer screen. Life is good, blogging about it should be fun. Thanks for the reminder!
Wow, I didn't realize just how much I wanted to be Super Mommy Monster Blogger until you described her- that's exactly what I've come to want out of blogging! The reason I started a blog in the first place was to promote my little etsy shop. Now the blog has grown bigger than the business, but only in my obsessed little world. Taking a step back. Thank you!
:) The description about your "super mommy blogger" was great and really made me laugh. It also helped point out how much I do this for everything in my life and how absurd it is to compare myself, not just with someone specific, but with everyone all at once. I might just have to write one of my own to keep as a reminder.
Thank you for this! A hilarious look in the mirror for many of us, no?
Marta- amazing post! I just wanted to let you know that you were the first blogger to inspire me. Before I saw your blog I didn't know about crafty,creative, blogs. I had started one for my family a few months before (this was way back in 2007). But Jess showed me your blog and I was hooked. Thanks for u being u. ;) For today I'll be happy being me!
i loved all of this, but my favorite was your last paragraph and sentence - how beautiful and true! thank you for being brave to share.
Love the straight forwardness of this post! And the Super Perfect Blogging Mommy made me crack up!! Yep, perspective, you nailed it :D
Well Miss Marta, like everybody here I absolutely loved this post. I think this is something I used to deal with almost every time I opened my reader. Now it creeps up on my still, but I try my best to keep it at bay. I think it is a hard thing for us all to figure out who we are, without comparing ourselves to others. Then we have to try to portray that on a blog which is no small feat! Thanks for your true words and kind attitude.
thank you for your words. these answered so many of my doubts with the freedom to just be me.
What a wonderful post...thank you SO much!
Oh, and I love your motto:
u be u. I'll be me.
Love it!
You put into words what I have had a difficult time saying. I sent an email to my family a few months ago explaining that I was going to stop blogging for awhile and stop reading blogs. I had had it! I was feeling very inadequate and was tired of criticism from certain family members. Well, I am back at it now because I do love it and miss it. But you hit the nail on the head! Thanks so much.
Thank you for all the time and effort you're putting in to this workshop! This post was truly motivational yet so "down-to-earth".
I'm jealous.
Of you.
very well said! this is one thing i definitely struggle with every once in a while and i have to take a step back and realize that most of what people post on their blogs are the perfectly styled and sparkling clean areas of their lives - cropping out the big mess in the corner. i enjoy reading your blog, thanks!
I'm not a professional blogger, but I read a lot of blogs by very talented people and I struggle with blogger jealousy all the time! It's a major problem for me for whatever reason. I know it's illogical! I think you put it beautifully, and I appreciate this post since it articulates more beautifully the thoughts that have been buzzing in my head for months.
What you've identified obviously resonates with many (including me). It's nice to see that there are others who struggle with this problem sometimes :D Thanks for this post as well as the others in your workshop thus far!
Thank you so much for sharing. You really have the right inspiring words for someone that is starting to get into the world of bloggers!
Greetings from Hamburg, Germany
thank you! thank you! thank you! your post has managed to dissolve all the guilty feelings i have for having 6 loads of laundry that need to be done, a cranky/needy/teething baby that will not nap, and a strong desire to sit on the couch and read my library books all day.
p.s. i'm totally linking to your post in hopes that my little amount of blog readers will appreciate it as much as i have.
I love it! And I must say, I brought meatballs in a crockpot to our last work potluck!
So funny!
augh! blogger jealousy. sometimes i'm paralyzed all day because i have so many ideas in my head, i don't know where to start, and it's all because i've surfed too many blogs!
thanks for this - love the motto!
LOVED this post!! It's amazing how easily we fall into the trap of emotions. I can say I do!
I love when people choose to comment on posts that I've written when I thought they were menial. I make a point to comment or email back every person that leaves a comment (although I don't have a large number) because I know how much I appreciate it when someone does the same. I think that if we all treat each other with respect, some of these emotional traps will fall away.
This is prob the best post on this topic that I have ever read. SO hilarious! Great job :-)
Gabi always makes me laugh. love all your posts.
I love this entry. This is a real issue for me, especially because I'm really just getting started in the world of blogging. It's hard to find your own strong voice in a sea of so many creative, talented people. I always find myself wishing that I too could afford those Anthropologie dresses or go to school, work, and still have time to cook a beautiful dinner and have time to photograph it with my DSLR.
It's good to know that even people I look up to feel the same way about things, and it's also good to keep in mind that we all have our own strengths!!
Thanks for this post!
I love it. I wrote answers to your blog questions last night and it helped me so much understand my personal needs/rewards in blogging. I am so glad I took the time to dig deep into my own issues and then read this.
You did a great job of clarifying and helping me see what I love/hate about online journaling. This is a great and needed post (great timing!).
Junelle
i laughed when i read this because this is soo me. I am admiring everyone else's blog and doubting myself and my abilities. thank you thank you for posting this
Thank You. You hit the nail one the head.
I let my perception of other bloggers 'perfectness' get me down sometimes - usually when I can't see the kitchen was washing up, my bedroom floor for the laundry and the living room for toys and the chance of me making it to the computer to do anything before midnight is zero! Thanks for putting it into perspective and reminding me that I'm me. And that's a good thing :-)
Gosh, I love this! It so strikes home with me. I always want to be this girl or that girl or make what she made or have what she has or lose as much weight as she did. :) But, not anymore. Contest is over... :)Thank you!
thank you, Marta! for all your blog posts, for the workshop and especially for these words above. they so describe me and my way of thinking ... and it was once more a reminder of how i should reprogram my way of thinking once and for all :) really inspiring and encouraging, like always (even though this is my first comment to your blog, i read 'you' regularly).
OMG and thank you very much...I lamented about just this subject today on my blog (beatnheart@blogspot.com) I was lead to this post my a commenter...oh how cosmic and awesome to have someone put it in such a great way...I feel way better already...You are the bomb and I'm gonna follow...I want to be just like you!! Fond Regards, Cynthia Wolff
Oh yes, blog and blogger envy is definitely a potential downfall for me! I just have to keep reminding myself that someone else's success does not take anything away from me. And if all of these talented bloggers didn't post their great ideas, I wouldn't have anything to copy!
I adore this so very much. Thank you, possum!
You get a standing ovation from me~ Love this! You have a new subscriber!
Wow, I really needed to hear this today. Thank you so much Marta!
Loved this! Thanks for sharing it.
what a hot topic, thanks for sharing...the gimmes and the envy can go hand in hand with peering into the lives of others via the www. i appreciate your take and agree with you. ultimately our worth is not tied up in our blog but in our hearts.
This is such great advice. Sometimes it can be hard to remember that blogs only show us one side of a person's life (and perhaps a carefully cultivated one). Your motto is perfect!
I love this. Every single word...all true!
"18 month old can repeat the origins of each butterfly species"....girl you are too clever!
Thank you again for all the efforts you are putting into this fun week!
My friend Andrea (12:31 p.m.) of lilkidthings.com sent this to me, and I could not be more grateful. Why is it that we do this to ourselves? It's not like I've set out to be better than or belittle anyone else. I don't think of it as a competition in that way - like something I'm trying to beat other people at doing. But I feel like we all think we're somehow losing.
Funny thing, though, I feel like I'm the furthest behind when I'm trying to keep up with the pack. When I forget about them and just do what I love, I don't feel behind at all.
Thanks for the reminder.
brilliant, sister! :) so relevant, so true, and (our minds)so annoying! Thanks for sharing that!
okay, so you already have over 100 comments but i had to chime in.
i have loved reading all your tips and i love, love, love this post! thank you.
Oh wow. thank you for saying everything I wanted you to say. I'm glad to know that even a 'super blogger' like you gets envious ever so often.
"just do the best you can"--thanks Marta
great topic--and awesome summary of "superblogger"! it does feel good to compliment others, and to connect authentically however we can in life.
my heart just sank.
my comment is nowhere to be found!
oh dear. i have no idea what happened to it.
to sum up what i said in a much longer form before, marta, I LOVED THIS. thank you for spinning such a lovely, candid, comic tale for us. the details of the super blogger were exquisite!
Awesome post. Gave me a laugh to start the day. Thanks so much! ~Heidi
this post was amazing. thank you!!!
this is one of the best blog posts ever! :)
Um, hysterical. I won't use the acronym but just know I was laughing out loud! I just found your blog through Smile & Wave and I'm thrilled! Your writing is brilliant. I'll try not to be to envious of it. ;) I posted a link on my blog: agirlandacamera.blogspot.com. Thought you should know!
-Carrie
Now's my turn to give kudos to a post with over 100 comments! This is a phenomenal post and something we can all really learn from.
This is something that should be enjoyed, not agonized over!
Comment #119
Every comment does count, such a good reminder for me. I love this post, we all can relate. Thanks Marta!
I'm loving your mini conference, and to think I didn't have to pay $400 bucks to come here.
ps. I'm off to create my own APP. ;)
Wow! You just wrote my Sunday lesson for me--I'll just be substituting "sister" in every place you wrote "blogger." Exactly what they (we all) need to hear.
What a timely piece of thought. Thank you for sharing.
I echo every other comment here (all 120 of them!)... amen, sista! This post is so well-written, thoughtful and RIGHT on the money! It's so nice to have a forum to talk about this sort of thing because if you brought up "blogging jealousy" to most people... they'd crack up! Thanks for another great post, Marta.
mart, i had to share this one with grant when he got home from school last night. we were laughing together (out loud!) at all your cleverness, especially in the super mommy monster blogger. i love moments like that with him.
just wanted you to know that even someone who doesn't blog (and rarely sits in front of any blog other than mine) was completely entertained by your marvelous writing about blogstuff! you really are a whiz.
i think my favorite line might be: 'the sweetest name that no one has ever thought of before.'
You've had way over 100 comments, but your post has inspired me to comment anyway as each one matters! Thank you for such an eloquent post. You are so right about the super mommy monster blogger - roll all your favourite bloggers into one and that's exactly what it feels like. So funny!
WOW! Can I just say I admire you so much for writing so precisely and beautifully about one of life's hardest lesson - the one everyone's face throughout life - love WHO YOU ARE!
I leave here a standing ovation.
Thank you.
Hi Marta!
This posting is so well-written and a joy to read. It's filled with honesty, humour, self-deprecation, wisdom and insight.
Are you sure you're not an eighty year old yoga guru? Just joking!
Thanks for sharing such personal and practical information!
You are a star!
LOVED this!
Marta, I just discovered your blog this morning because of this particular conundrum....Blog Jealousy. Actually, I'm not really jealous of others, but I often have a sense that I've wasted precious time by not joining in a couple years ago, instead of starting writing my own blog only one year ago. Therefore, I feel just like I did in high school...slightly removed from the Most Popular group, but not at the bottom of the pecking order either. Sigh. I guess I need to let go of the crap-in-the-bag and just be glad I am where I am!
What a fabulous post. Found it via your comment on Jen Loves Kev, and I love how it touches on key points.
I love blogging, and while sometimes is a lot of pressure to blog every day or deal with rude (or lack of) comments, the good always outweighs the bad.
We should all blog, because the beauty of blogging is all the different opinions and point of view. And while some may not have many readers, those few do care. Think quality, not quantity, and keep the sharing going!
"u be u and I'll be me." Brilliant. So simple yet so perfect for me at this time:) Thanks for all the effort and hard work.
I wasn't even aware of blogger jealousy until I began sending favorite blog posts via google reader to a friend. I thought she would enjoy the pretty posts, but she reacted with a tinge of bitterness and loads of jealousy..thinking I sent her the blog posts to show her up.
That was so not my intention. I started my blog to keep a place online to be in touch with friends and family around the world, and then realized it was a good place as well for posting all the pretty decor photos I come across. So to me, blogging is writing up tidbits about the pretty photos, sharing funny family and friend stories, and posting photos so that I don't lose track of them.
I know there are millions of blogs out there - better than mine and different than mine. I'm good with that. It's a community.
If we were all posting about our current crocheting projects and perfectly baked cupcakes, who would appreciate those posts? I'd much rather read blogs of those who have created gorgeous homes or found their niche with gorgeous knitting products or stunning stationery or have found the secret to creatingi the perfect garden! Celebrating our creative differences is such fun, wouldn't you agree?
I enjoyed every second of that post! Thank you!!!!
Hmmm... wouldn't have left a comment, but since you said "even if they have 100+ comments already, i know that every comment counts,"... well, alright then. I know Marta won't mind reading YET another one. {whew!}
You shared good words today, Marta. Even more, you shared good thoughts. Make that great thoughts. So thank YOU.
And thanks too for the idea of 'embroidered her groom's name in blue on the hem of her dress'... LOL! That's actually a pretty darling idea. ;-) Now if only I had a wedding coming up...
Love the super blogger. Blogdom does seem filled with perfect people like that. But then I think...who doesn't edit their pictures and post the most flattering ones? Who doesn't choose their words carefully to be a little funnier and a little more charming?
There are a few blogs out there that I like to read occasionally because they are so REAL. It reminds me that everyone else has a real life too. They just don't blog about it.
Thanks for being real and sharing your blog nemesis with us. :)
oh thank you for this amazingly hilarious blog queen creation! i have been laughing out loud at her perfection, the impossibility of it all, and my own silly magical thinking. i wish i could carry this little nugget around in my pocket - it's so funny!
thank you thank you thank you!
best,
tara
http://elanvitalanthology.blogspot.com
Great post. I too wonder how other people are able to do all they do. I'm constantly amazed by how many people have unrealized talents. I'd say I'm not jealous though. I'm more happy for others successes.
about comments: who doesn't love them? i don't leave them enough, i know. especially when there are already 135 of them, like now, i probably wouldn't even bother, thinking, "she doesn't need mine."
well, i'm glad to have found your blog today; i need this blog workshop right now and i, like the 134 commenters who preceded me, appreciated your post on blogging jealousy.
i have 'life jealousy'! but am trying to 'be me' and think of my blog as my own personal development project... if it ever gets to anything more than that, it will be a combination of luck and timing. who knows? sure, i'd love to have 600 + followers. but i know in my heart when i've written something really good and for now that's going to have to be enough.
Today was my first visit to your blog. And I rarely comment on any other. But after reading this post, I just had to. I don't have a blog even though I've wanted one for some time, so your thoughts resonated with me on so many levels. Thank you so much! Your motto says it all.
amen,sista, amen.
tell me. did you try making those cupcake pops? i did. with red velvet cake mix. yeah.
m.e.s.s.y. and not like i pictured at all. sigh... good times. ;0)
Wow! I feel like Schwartza-Mama-Blogger-Woman! Dunt-Dunt-Dunt-Dunh! Thanks so very much for the empowerment...
Great post, lady. Really. Now I'm jealous of you. :)
I recently said (in comment form on a blogging jealousy post on BlogHer) that we all have to remember that whatever we look like on our blogs, we're just people. Beautiful and messy people. All the same.
It takes getting to know bloggers you respect in person to really grasp that, I think. That's why I highly recommend conferences. The walls just kind of come down if you're looking at it from that perspective...looking at all the nervous people, just like you.
I'll stop rambling now. I look forward to meeting YOU at CBC. :)
this is so wonderful and true. thank you!
Sooooo true! Preach it, sister! :)
What a great post!
A few weeks ago I was feeling like a complete loser and I realized that part of my negativity came from comparing myself to the women whose blogs I was reading. After a few days of feeling sorry for myself I realized that I tend to just blog about the good in my life and leave out the not so great. I don't think I'm the only one who does this, which means my comparisons were completely unfair. I resolved then to go easy on myself.
Marta, thank you for this entire workshop. I have taken to heart many of your tips and loads of inspiration. I am a visual artist and know I really need to bump up my web presence. Now I am ready to do so - thank you! You have an amazing gift and generous soul. Thank you for sharing. Warmest regards, Susan
So many comments already...but I am taking your advice. Thank for writing such a spot on post. It rings true and reminds me to take a deep breath and be me. It is difficult to keep perspective sometimes, but I will be reminded of your words every time I lose track or try and live a perfect bloggable life. Thanks for being you. x
perfect.
This is actually my first time here, followed a link to this post.
I just read this quote by William Blake, used by Brenda Ueland in her writing on not being jealous of other writers. He said "I will not reason and compare. My business is to create."
I'm hanging on to that one like a mantra.
Great post. Great blog, website - all of it. So glad I stumbled over here.
-elizabeth
Ahhh there were so many things about this that I love and want to comment on. And actually, taking the advice to actually comment even though there are already a ton. I've been blogging for about a year and a half now. I don't have a lot of readers or get a lot of comments but I don't blog for that anyway. I don't blog for self validation (and no one should!). I blog for ME, myself and I. I read a BILLION blogs and so many of them are so amazing. They're successful, motivated, creative, and seemingly perfect. I would love to do what they do. But then I remember what my mom has always told me...
It's not "what" you're doing...it's "who you're being" while you're doing what you're doing.
I love that statement because it reminds me that as long as I'm being my awesome self, it's genuine and authentic and that is what is loved most of all.
And you keep being you - because this blog post was hilarious yet really GOOD to the core at the same time. My first time here... I"ll be back!
perfectly said. thank you.
Thanks, Marta. I know I'm often not perfect and my life seems like a mess (hello, dirty laundry, dirty dishes...). But I don't think I'd trade it for anyone else's life. I get jealous, too. I remember you commented once on my blog last year, and it was so genuine and nice--I was surprised because I know you have a lot of readers/commenters, and it meant a lot that you'd spent time looking at my blog. I think remembering that people are people, no matter their blog, is important. Nobody is perfect... especially not me.
this is the first time i've visited your blog...loved this post! empowering indeed. thank you! :)
fabulous post! I'm still smiling. You caricatured the monster blogger without spite or malice. A difficult thing to do! Good on you, Lucyxx
Okay, the blogger description is possibly the funniest thing I've read in a long time. I'm dying over here! Excellent, excellent, excellent. Off to share with my peeps. Thank YOU for sharing and putting yourself out there.
This is PHENOM.
I love it.
& der, of course that blogger exists! It's me! Except you forgot to mention the public mental breakdown ;)
Well written. It's so easy to read a blog you love and immediately think you need to adopt the writer's tone or rhythm of speech. In fact, it's pretty darn hard not to sometimes when they are super funny or honest or classy or whatever I'm not on any given day! Thanks for this post... loved every word. (especially the "perfect blogger!" She sounds something like the one in my head only mine also works full time at a nonprofit she established in her spare time.)
LOVE this! Found my way to you via Heir to Blair and so glad she shared with us! Such a honest, yet comical view on something we probably all struggle with at times. Thank you for such an inspirational and encouraging post. I am officially jealous of you Miss Marta!
absolutely fantastic. I linked my blog to this post today. Everyone needs to read it!
You pretty much nailed it, Marta. Thanks for this.
I think I'll read this post every day before I blog Ü ThankuThanku!!!
Oooh. Oooooh. Ooooh. I'm so glad I'm not the only one who can create the uber woman blogger in my head.
I'm pretty sure she never farts AND her house is gorgeous.
Looovely!! Simply Beautiful.
You're a wonderful person writing al these sweet things.
Please stay 'u' =)
Stumbled onto your blog through another blogger's blogroll. This is my first visit and I'm excited about your post. How true, how fun, how engaging! Honestly, there are more than just a few things on your mother of all bloggers list that I've found myself envious of in others. I also had a few chuckles. Thank you.
I was a bit nervous about commenting more than 160 comments in, but I'm hoping that what you said is true. That every comment counts. I just like to know when people come by and if they enjoyed what they read. I did! And will be back to read more.
You put down in words what I have felt for a while now. Self doubt is an illness I possess. Some weeks I have soaring highs of empowerment and others are sinking lows of underachievement coupled with embarassement.
But I always keep in mind that every blog starts with just one post and hardly any comments. And one day, the blog begans to sprout roots and grow. And all of those posts that seemed so insignificant in the beginning matter after all.
Here's to all of the people starting out, just like me. We can do it!!!
- Amanda (Casa Brasi)
Sadly, this post really spoke to me. Great advice!
Thanks,
Robin modernmantle.blogspot.com
Wow! Totally fantastic! I was laughing so hard thinking of all the times I've epitomized someone like that...and then felt really badly about myself. I think every blogger should read this and I think I will prescribe a daily reading of this to myself!
Thanks!
i think we've all felt that way in some way, shape, or form. i'm so glad i came across this wonderful post... thanks!
yesssss i was totally waiting to be lucky 168!!!
i can't believe you got my bio correct, right down to the laundry!.......except i detest putting laundry, or dish for that matter away, and the very thought of being perfect is nauseating. but kudos are still deserved because darling, you hit the nail on that big fat head. this post was, in a hyphenated word- SLAM-DUNK.xo
stumbled upon this post tonight and LOVED reading it!!! so freaking true. every bit of it. thanks for bringing to me a very unexpected 11:21pm chuckle on my couch, in my jammies, while i should have been folding laundry instead :)
I just laughed out loud when I read this! It's funny because it's true! We all try to be that woman. Thank you for making me feel soooo much better about myself and my inperfection. Love your blog, you are adorable.
That was really lovely and the "super mommy monster blogger" gave me a good laugh. :o)
so i found this post from you being sponsored as monday's maven on i never grew up, and I am in LOVE with it.
it's brilliant. and i have that problem every week... creating a super blogger in my head, and wondering why anyone would bother reading mine, when something like that is out there.
but it isn't! thanks for reminding me of that. this post is beautiful!
How did you get in my head?
This is exactly the problem - and when it's all listed together as the uber-blogger, I totally see how silly it really is.
Though seriously, can I have more readers? Can I pretend if I had more that I'd be happy?! LOL.
Thanks for this post.
Marta, you are adorable.... and clever, amusing and smart. I loved that post. Who doesn't get sucked into reading blogs, and then afterward feels like their husband got shorted big time. But I love your perspective. Plus... no one ever writes about the fact that their children were turning their home into a war zone (or clinging to their legs crying for dinner) while they baked that oh-so-perfect dessert ,right? :)
What a great post! My neighbor/fellow SAHM/blogger friend made those Elmo cake lollipops for her 1-year-old's birthday party, and I do feel compelled to do something similar, because apparently the whole blog-iverse is doing it.
But seriously, reading mommy blogs is critical to my well being. I like that it challenges me to make the most of the time I have as a SAHM of littles, just like the thousands of other ladies out there. Otherwise I'd just be pining all the time for science and my left-behind career.
Now I've got to go and check out all your links on your blog. You're super cute!
you are a mind-reader! amazing post!
Marta, thank you so much for this! I am a great party thrower & can throw a mean dinner party, however I severely lack in the sewing, scrapbooking, and anything analytical departments. I loved this.
Love it.
The best blog post I have EVER read.
This is so, so true. Thank you for articulating so well!
u be u.... but i want to be more like you and be me at the same time! :) you inspire me. i love this post, one of my very favorites. ever.
I really enjoyed this post. Thank you, it was just what I needed to hear!
Cheers!
Kiley
wow! amen to that. very well said...i loved every word!
i can't tell you how happy i am you stopped by so that i could find you. talk about TALENT! you are loaded with it my dear! i plan on learning A LOT from you, my new imaginary blog friend in idaho :)
best,
jill
This whole post is SO true! Thank you so much for putting it in words.
Love this~ going to link it on my FB fan page!
Although you have 100 other comments...I wanted to take the time to tell you I am delighted to have found your blog..I love your post..from the heart...thank you for sharing it.
...I started my blog this year and I have enjoyed it a great deal...but I have found myself at times asking myself why I don't do more...I have to remind myself why I started to do it in the first place...
I enjoyed your analogy of blogging and a stroll with your dog...
Have a {wonderful} weekend!
Ana
I feel like I've been in a blogging slump lately because I'm too much of this and not enough of that. Reading your post was just what I needed to realize that all I need to be is me. Thanks for being you.
BRILLIANT!
Best blog post EVER!! Thank you! :)
I really enjoyed this. We've all been there. Thanks for the reminder that it's ok to be me and blog my way :)
I have only just found your blog, and what a wonderful post to begin with. It has made me reassess why I blog. thankyou :)
1,000 thanks!! I really needed to read that tonight... in fact I may need to re-read it every night!
Thank you for bringing us back down to earth!
~Glory
I shared a link to you on FB-
http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/pages/Glorious-Treats/132141370143952?ref=sgm
This was a funny read! It took me so long to work out what I wanted to say about this - so naturally I blogged about it! There are plenty of bloggers out there who do not have hundreds of followers, some don't even have 10 followers, but these blogs are honest, insightful, inspiring and lovely. You never know who has their little spot on the blogosphere, it may be a ballet mum, school mother, local business owner, bible study leader, even some lady you meet at the supermarket (trust me I speak from experience). Ask around - you may be surprised who has a blog (and who wants a blog but doesn't know how to get started). Maybe we should all check out and follow these blogs, not just the more famous, well known and popular blogs and remember the original definition of blogging - an online journal. We all blog for different reasons, perhaps it's time to remember why we started blogging in the 1st place, while continuing to be inspired by those blogs we love. Now, I'm off to check out the rest of this lovely blog. Jane :)
I feel like after reading that I just must comment! Because you are compeletely right. I've been reading your blog for a few months now and have been silent thus far. But, in the spirit of complimenting others for their talents, thank you for inspiring me to write more, blog more, and revel in my daily life. My husband and I are volunteers in the former Soviet Union and having a blog like yours that encourages creative expression has been a huge support for me as I've made this transition from life in the States. So keep it up! And thank you.
A friend of mine shared this with me because I was talking about being a bad blogger lately. Thank you for this. :)
you are officially my FAVORITE blogger! You actually have useful and REAL information. Gosh. I love it!
Post #194 (I think). I came to your blog in a roundabout way as I often do - have found soooo many great blogs that way. I just wanted to let you know that your remark about rolling up every blogger you love into one giant ball and being jealous.... You've articulated for me a way I've so frequently felt. Not so much as a blogger (I'm pretty new at this ) but every time I peruse a shelter magazine and see all those beautiful shots or a fashion mag and the gorgeous perfect women and girls...it just can be exhausting trying to keep up with those kind of standards!! Even though this reasoning is pretty irrational it can gnaw away at your confidence and before you know it you are exhausted just thinking about it!!! and then do nothing....
This drove me nuts about myself and I finally realized that maybe I wasn't doing what interested me most in life and that's when it came to me that I had to go back to the activities in life that made me happy and feel accomplished. And put me into a "state of flow" Not to say it doesn't crop up now and then but it has helped to keep my focus on the things I love to do instead of getting caught up in what everyone else does or has or says or whatever. Thanks for that great article. You've got yourself a new follower! can't wait to read more of your articles.
Best,
Suzanne
I love this... all of it. I love that description that we all work up in our heads one way or another. Some of my favorite blogs are the ones that keep it real. Show real life pictures and share some real life day to day stuff. Stuff we are all going through but no one likes to talk about it and not in a whiny negative way but a real this is me today kind of way.
Thanks for writing this!
xo
Trina
Oh wow this perfect. Normally I would not leave a comment because you do have a gazillion comments already, but you are right i do like the post and I should give you your just kudos.
Needed this and it is PERFECT!
Damn well said. Thanks, I definitely needed this since I had been blog-hopping prior to reading this post and a million thoughts were running through my head - I need to be a better designer, I need to be more organized, I need to have a better blog, I need to stop wasting my time and create meaningful and wonderful and envying blog posts like thousands of other bloggers. If they can do it, there's no reason why I can't.
Wow. Damn well said.
Thanks.
This post has stirred more emotion in me than I expected... Admittedly, I'm in tears. This is something I struggle with from time to time and those 6 little words spoke volumes to me. THANK YOU. thank you.
Thank you! This is just what I needed to read today:)
Amazing post. Thanks for putting it so perfectly. I've bookmarked it for those days when I'm beating myself up. Thank you!
LOVE this! :)
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