Sunshine between the slats

I have a vivid memory of sitting on my dad's lap at church as a little girl; rolling his tie up into a tight cinnamon roll beneath his chin. Then I'd let go and the neat patterned fabric would race down his chest to my delight. I'll never know if this was endearing or an annoyance to him, as he was likely distracted from the Sunday messages given. I don't recall any kind of frustration on his part, as he'd let me roll his tie repeatedly. I've learned that the phrase warms my heart is actually a thing that feels real when thoughts like this bubble up in my vulnerable state. Tender father and daughter memories have been popping up clearly in my mind since my dad passed away in August. Immediately following his death, I relived his last days and weeks and months again and again in my mind's eye since they were filled with miracles and mercies (as well as so much unbelief that he was really gone). Recently though, I have been looking back on my childhood and his fathering ways with brand new eyes.

My own little girl turned three last month. Amusingly sweet and entertaining quips come out of her mouth daily. I am often alone with her nonstop (mostly coherent) chatter at mealtimes, story time or nap time when these adorable remarks come streaming out. I smile at her, praise her, laugh aloud, and often text Dan the funny things his darling daughter has come up with. She likes naming all the people who live in our home and sweetly reports, "we are a family!" She remembers her manners and randomly tells me, "Thank you mommy!" / "This is delicious, mom!" / "I sure love you, mom!" / "I'm a good maker!" (After she bakes with me and licks the beater.) One quiet afternoon while I was busy in another room, she was playing pretend with her little kitchen. I heard her knocking on the bathroom door - which she had just closed and no one was in. I later learned she'd made a pretend pie, with a tiny pot containing the only ingredient, a green plastic pear. She knocked again and left it next to the door, on the hardwood floor of the hallway. I hear her softly musing to herself, "They're not home, so I'm gonna leave it on the doorstep. They'll have a lovely surprise when they get home!"

Sometimes - no - all the time, I feel guilt that I haven't written down the classic sayings my children have said, the hilarious tales they tell and all the good, thoughtful and even naughty acts they've done. I had a quiet moment of reflection while sitting on my daughter's bed the other afternoon. She sat up real close to me with a peaceful, contented gaze; a possible approach to prolong nap time and she inspected my ears, my eyes, wrinkles, freckles and my mouth. As mothers tend to do, I thought what a golden moment this was and intentionally appreciated it; the afternoon sun warmed my toes through the blinds and the sun made shadows across the stack of storybooks she'd chosen. I thanked God my children are healthy and happy and we have a home so full of love and laughter. I felt the truth of my charmed existence right then. All is not right in the world, but all was right in our world. I knew Claire wouldn't remember that specific moment we shared together and how much my heart was bursting with love for her and her brothers. I felt so grateful and in love with my little simple life.

It gently dawned on me, as I watched the beautiful dust particles dance through the slats of sunshine, my dad would've had moments like this with me and all my siblings. And he would've scooped it all into his heart. So many memories packed into his parenting satchel that I can't even remember. All the parenting duties, huge sacrifices, clean-ups, squabbles and forgivenesses, chit chats, long road trips, family meals, errand runs, explanations, the listening and the endless acts of patience.. the thousands of moments wherein he was instilling his love, his encouragement, his support, and his confidence in me that live within me that I cannot even remember. How lucky and blessed am I? I am well aware that having a father who is present and loving and nurturing and wonderful is a rare and wonderful gift. I think of the millions of moments you wish you could thank them for on Father's Day that you can't conjure up the right words for. Knowing these moments between us existed gives me lots of comfort.

That overwhelming love that you feel for someone in your life who is irreplaceable. The love that spills over all of us while we cry and mourn and miss him. In my heart of hearts I sometimes wonder and hope and cry, I hope he knew how much I truly loved him... (and admired him... and respected him and wanted so much to be like him). Did I say it enough? Did he know? Because in the end (as clichéd as it sounds) love is what matters. That is what holds. And a dear friend Hilary, wisely advised me as I sobbed to her over brunch (as you do with dear friends), "I am sure he knew how you felt. You two had a beautiful relationship, working together and so on.. but he knows even more clearly now. He still knows how you feel." What soothing words for my aching soul. Yes, yes indeed. I believe it is so!

Today is Easter and the holiday feels more meaningful than ever before. My faith in Jesus Christ has felt much more personal since my dad died. I am striving to understand why death is such a big part of our earthly experience and why people have to suffer and feel the depth of loss and sadness. I know Christ lives and I know He felt all the pains of the world. I also have learned heaven is not too far away. I feel my dad's spirit and feel that he is content and at peace and doing good things in the afterlife. I am so excited to see him again. His presence on earth is deeply missed; family parties are different, our whole lives are different now. The hole he left in our hearts is wide. Some days I feel sadness sweep over and crash me down like an ocean wave on the sunniest of days. And then I get back up and feel fine again, it's a strange cycle but it is teaching me more about life (and what matters) than I understood before. I will end with a few of my favorite quotes by our dear prophet.

"We can’t fully appreciate joyful reunions later without tearful separations now. The only way to take sorrow out of death is to take love out of life."

 "Without our Redeemer’s infinite Atonement, not one of us would have hope of ever returning to our Heavenly Father. Without His Resurrection, death would be the end. Our Savior’s Atonement made eternal life a possibility and immortality a reality for all. I testify that He is the living Christ—our Lord and Savior, Redeemer, Exemplar, and Judge. Thanks to Him, no condition is hopeless. Brighter days are ahead, both here and hereafter."
- President Russell M. Nelson

The Lord said, "Fear not even unto death; for in this world your joy is not full, but in me your joy is full.” (D&C 101:36.)

good thoughts / two weeks and a pound heavier

awesome art by kensie kate etsy shop (a local utah artist!)

not sure how to blog normally yet after this babe has come into our life. two weeks and a pound heavier, the babe weighed in at the doctor's today. he has long blonde eyelashes. lots of hair that seems a shade of strawberry in the sunlight. deep blue eyes (wondering if they'll change like his brother's did).  he is thoughtful in his staring and serious about his sleeping. we are still soaking up all the goodness. and the transitions. and the newborn loves. and the friday night lights episodes. i should be sleeping right now as he is snoozing on the ottoman. oh how i love the slug phase of swaddling and itty bitty diapers and newborn onesies. and living in baggie clothing. (a catalogue for plus-size women arrived in the mail today. not the best timing for post-maternal morale.) saturday we had a family of four outing. we took our boys to the farmer's market downtown. and i got out of my pajamas! we tasted juicy samples of peaches, ripe and golden. we splurged on blackberries. and perused all the booths. and counted all the dogs. and ate an incredible chocolate chip ruby snap cookie. mmmm. mm. and dan wore baby seth in our handmade moby wrap (thank you, anna!). he had dozens stopping him. something about a man wearing a moby. or was it the teeny tiny little mister peeking out..

saturday / pentagram artsy windows

window art by pentagram for cass art


saturday.
sleeping in. sorta.
bowls of cheerios with bananas in bed.
rice krispie treats for someone special.
making beds and an early start on laundry.
two boys headed out for dual haircuts.
serious fun adventures planned.
and a real shower.
and maybe a twilight dvd for tonight. yesss.
with lasagna leftovers.

happy saturday to you.

happy weekend and a small smattering.

incredible calligraphy by ornamelle

wishing you a wonderful weekend.
happy haunting!

we'll be tromping our little cowboy around to as many places willing to give out candy as possible. including daddy's new office. humorous that i swore never to refer to dan as 'daddy' but it's how things roll when you're a parent. and i'll be burning discs of 2006 - 2010 digital photos for the archives. surely wondering which ones to delete and which should make the cut. not a fun job, but a necessary one. whittling away at little tasks and making 'humongous' (benji's new favorite word) piles of leaves for jumping. last night i went through journals / notebooks / scrapbooks of my high school era. highly amusing / entertaining and a teensy bit inspiring. i wrote down everything. what i wore, what my crush said over the phone, who i was annoyed with, who i was in love with, gory gory teenage details that gave me a belly ache with laughter. it is so good to slip into the olden days. i slipped them onto my bookshelves so i won't forget to look back / scan them in someday again soon. happy weekend. here's to continued wordy documentation.

on the move

image source

wishing you a gorgeous weekend.
am loving the crisp september air and all this family togetherness.

“life is like a bicycle, to keep your balance you must keep moving.” - Albert Einstein
thank you for emailing this quote suz. i needed that.

dumbledore quote for tuesday.

image via pinterest. / thereadables.tumblr.com

eight a.m. ramblings.

spectacular subway tile. a new thing i just learned about. source via apt. therapy..

this post is going to be a speedy post. as my child is still sleeping. hurrah. ever since we moved in, he has started this new habit (knock on wood) of not waking up at 6 a.m. thus giving me the perfect extra little space of time to hunt for houses online (but mostly skim blogs and pin stuff on pinterest in rapid fashion).

+ thank you entirely for your good comments and questions on my last post. they sparked my interest and i plan to gather my answers and give you some good juicy posts. i appreciate you more than words can say.

+ none of the homes we looked through yesterday resembled anything close to the 'dream homes' you find in the nooks and crannies of pinterest. i'm realizing that i'm going to really have to put some sweat into a new place to make it ours. to make it feel like home. to make it cozy and perfect. i realize that home-making is an artform. i'm realizing i have a lot to learn.

+ case in point. yesterday whit and i chatted over salads (greens, tomatoes, blueberries, craisins, raspberries, parmesan cheese, poppy seed dressing) and she taught me all about the joys of subway tile.

+ the reason i'm awake while bear is sleeping (a rare thing indeed) is because we've been going to spin classes with my father-in-law. nothing like getting whooped by your favorite senior citizen. seriously, this man is a machine. anyway, i have decided that my butt has not been properly calloused for this class. i've also decided that i don't know why people do this kind of thing for fun. however the instructor shows all these clips of lance armstrong biking his guts out. when you're pumping your legs like a maniac, it's nice to feel like you're right behind lance. it feels a little like we're taking a bit too much advantage of his victories up the hills in france, but hey, i doubt he minds. (and me waking up at 5:30 to ride on a saddle is a personal victory for me. i must admit i thought of eleanor roosevelt this morning while trying to enjoy the ride.)

+ i'll leave you with a few favorite eleanor roosevelt quotes.
You must do the things you think you cannot do.

You have to accept whatever comes and the only important thing is that you meet it with courage and with the best that you have to give.

It takes as much energy to wish as it does to plan.

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.'

What one has to do usually can be done.

a quote for friday.

image source via la dolce vita

am wishing you a beautiful weekend.

looking forward to
+ remembering how to use a pc computer.
+ uploading a few photos.
+ figuring out how to blog-away-from-home.
+ picnics at the park with whit and benji.
+ tuna fish (with chopped granny smith apples and relish)
+ jessie's baptism day. (fun to be able to go to family festivities.)
+ benji and dan mowing the lawn together.
+ planning out our summer in salt lake city.
+ more afternoons of vintage playmobile and fisher price.
+ going swimming. outside.
+ grabbing the first sno-cone of the season.

introspection no. 01

introducing introspection / a collection of thoughts.

no. 01 this one came to me when emailing a new-to-blogging blogger who had a hard time knowing that she could indeed still add something valuable to the overwhelming creative online world. i definitely understand the feeling of it's already been done before. it is our weaknesses winning the battle. we must fight for creativity. especially our own. where do you find inspiration?

ALT recap > blogging advice for everyone

the closing keynote speaker for the conference was tina roth eisenberg aka the brilliant, the clever, the graphic designer swiss miss. (i know this is old business if you were twittering with ALT. all the craziness of twitter makes my head spin. in a happy sort of way.) here are her glorious lists of advice. let me just say, she was monumental. so good at what she does. i loved how she shared her story to blogging stardom and then shared great advice. simple and honest. i appreciated that her counsel was applicable to everyone in the room. she is a wise bird, and funny too.

RULES I BLOG BY by swiss miss
1. Always credit your sources.
2. Respect the reader. (too many blinking ads are disrespectful, be relevant.)
3. Keep it light. (make your blog a happy place.)
4. Blog with the right intentions. (amen. we touched on this in our own panel..)
5. Images / images / images. (rely on quality pics.)
6. Find your place and know it. (what makes you and your blog shine?)
7. There is such a thing as blogging too much. (point taken.)
8. Be personal and approachable. (personal posts matter..)
9. Know what not to blog about. (oh so true.)
10. Think beyond the blog. (yes and more yes.)

THINGS I'VE LEARNED by swiss miss
1. Nobody can tell you what's best for you.
2. Surrounding yourself with smart people is key.
3. Don't just talk. Do it. / If it fails, move on.
4. Be kind and generous, it comes back to you.
5. Your enthusiasm and your integrity are your biggest assets.
6. It is possible, think big!
7. Everyone needs an "inspiring aunt." (put your best creative self out there.)

i loved how she talked about being a go-getter, being bold. create your own solutions to problems that arise. trust your instincts and to be passionate about your projects, not money hungry. she also said, with a big audience comes great responsibility. thank you for sharing your wisdom swiss miss.

tons more fabulous ALT recap posts listed here.
gain all the advice and insights for free. yay.

quote wall 15

this is a long-time favorite quote of mine. i have it (written in orange pen) on a folded piece of paper from my high school days. i looked at it every day as i drove to and from school. it's now beside me on my bulletin board. after all this time, it is such a good reminder to have faith, to hold strong, to be happy. to know things will work out.

quote wall 14

i loved this lengthy quote and thought i ought to share. i'll be whipping up a traditional bowl of trail mix (with gumdrops) this weekend and listening to more talks like this during general conference. lots of good general conference prep posts on mama's who know.

read more about my faith on mormon.org.

p.s. tune in tomorrow for a mini octoberfest kickoff.

quote wall 13

famous quotes about fathers

There's something like a line of gold thread running through a man's words when he talks to his daughter, and gradually over the years it gets to be long enough for you to pick up in your hands and weave into a cloth that feels like love itself.

- John Gregory Brown

I can thank my father for what I am today. He was the person who backed me up when I first started on the bike as a young boy. He did everything for me.

- Bjarne Riis

My father dominated my life as long as he lived, and was the love of my life for many years after he died.

- Eleanor Roosevelt

Now in my old age I think of my father and marvel at his great courage. He was my ideal, my teacher and my great inspiration. If only I had a chance to thank him.

- Mike Lipstock

The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.

- Theodore M. Hesburgh

It's passionately interesting to me that the things I learned in a small town, in a very modest home, are just the things that I believe have won the election... I owe almost everything to my father.

- Margaret Thatcher

My father means everything to me.

- Michael Jordan

The influence of my father also had a great deal to do with my going into the ministry. This is not to say that he ever spoke to me in terms of being a minister, but that my admiration for him was the great moving factor. He set forth a noble example that I didn't mind following.

- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.

- Clarence Budington Kelland

I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.

- Harry S. Truman

quote wall 12

twenty-one months true

oh the days drift by and i happen to say so little of my benjamin boy. which is ironic since he is the whole of my days. the whole of my existence, really. and i couldn't be more delighted with our circumstance. he is the official twenty-one months now and zooming into life with exuberance, as usual. he has come into his own, in so many ways. i'm sure i'll be using that term his whole life through, but right now–at this twenty-one month stage–he is his very own simple person. i love that the essential parts of his personality are blooming; he is honest to the very core without distraction. truer than true. which is why children are so incredible to spend time with. they teach without trying.

he has come across this sense of humor that has us laughing into oblivion. especially at bedtime when he wants to bonk heads and play tickle monster and point at my nose and ears and come up with new games and prolong the singing with hilarity and clownishness. of course, it gets me every time. when it's papa's turn to put him down, i smile when i hear benji's chuckling at full volume coming from the room. since when did lullabies get so hilarious? i am glad the days of figuring out a routine are long gone. the best thing benji gave us was his regularly scheduled bedtime. when the day has been long, the house is a wreck, the chocolate pudding is smeared across his face and he goes to rip off his bib and toss the spoon on the linoleum, i smile knowing it's only an hour or so to go til this precious little chocolate monkey hits the hay. and now he marches his path to the bathtub, knowing full well not to touch a thing on the way there. such a cheerful little soldier.

i marvel at his love for trucks and rocks and balls and trains. such a little boy. he lets dogs lick his face thoroughly and last weekend, he went nose to nose with a horse. fearless and brave. however a friendly neighbor saying hello still makes him leap into my lap. he likes to lead the music during church and loves story time in our yellow chair. his persona twinkles when a grandparent is around, showing all the latest tricks like jumping and spinning and finding the pots and pans shelf. fruit is his favorite; this season he is spoiled with all the fresh choices. he is still favoring his left hand too. he dances a jig whenever a song comes on and is best friends with curious george. benji gets by using his favorite words; yep, bus, up, down and arrff.

i still see his daddy's eyes when i gaze into his; lightly toasted hazel brown. the hue i will love forever. i like that benji was born with my nose and my light blue eyes. yet over those first few months after our introduction, those peepers changed into that familiar color. the color that runs so deep in dan's side of the family.

how i relish in seeing summer through those eyes. the purple blossoms bending over the gate near the mailbox. the warm sidewalks. the fresh blades of grass. the smooth pebbles in his palm. the birds singing. the cantaloupe and blueberries. the breeze and the budding trees. the shorts and the sandals. the slide and the swings. as any parent will attest, watching them grow is a miracle. but bettter than that, each new season brings about a new adventure. every summer he will conquer something new; be it going down the slide, climbing the monkey bars, riding a two wheeler, his first time up to bat, or his first sparkler in the darkened sky.

i didn't realize all the joy it would be to simply listen and watch and see what he sees. i didn't know how amazing it would be to see my boy learn to explore the great outdoors; lining rocks into a row, leaning down to smell a dandelion and find (and sit in) every puddle in sight. my heart hopes to bring him happiness and love, to teach him all the fine things of this big wide world. and my reward will be watching him view it through his big wide, ever curious eyes.


benji. ready for his close up.

this week i've been reading some wonderful articles about motherhood in the april conference issue of the ensign magazine. i have highlighted paragraphs from each of these listed. they are truly worth reading: mothers & daughters / mothers teaching children... / mother told me. i always come away inspired and ready to become better than before.

“There is no greater good in all the world than motherhood. The influence of a mother in the lives of her children is beyond calculation.” - James E. Faust

am a fan.

am a huge fan of quotable cards. like the one pictured above.

am a fan of these safari jammies for benj. love that he's in two piece jammies now. and yes, thankfully he's back to his old self again. thanks for the well wishes. he is in such a sweet stage these days, those hopeful happy eyes just melt me.

am a fan of getting our coat closet all summer-ized. winter coats are gone. sunscreen, sun hats, baby sandals and wipes all tucked in a tote, ready for sunshine.

am a fan of clearing out the email inbox. am gearing up for the re-opening of the mini mart.

am a fan of noticing the things i might snapshot if i owned a working camera; benji opening the dishwasher and unloading the clean utensils onto the floor. the big juicy blueberries i splurged on at the grocery store. the clouds ruffling over the sky. the cornbread i made especially for dan. my new shoes. the way benji turns his little palm up to the sky as if to say, i don't know or where'd it go?

am a fan of scheming up plans for the blog. stay tuned, i have an interesting idea brewing.

am a fan of baseball and picnics at the park on memorial day and horseback riding too. man, we made some happy memories last weekend. can't wait to share belated photos.

am a fan of pretty parties like caroline's where the wild things are party or this yellow celebration.

am a fan of readers who buoy me up and tell me that i'm enough. you guys are the b.e.s.t.

am a fan of flipping the calendar page and seeing what's in store.

am a fan of granola + blueberries + milk. and a clean spoon off the floor.

am a fan of cake. am dreaming of this rainbow cake or perhaps a chocolate zucchini loaf cake. and while we're on the subject of divine food groups..

am a fan of homemade pizzas. i used to dream of knowing how to make homemade pizza. really, truly. i wondered why i was the only one on the planet not whipping up pizza pies for my family on a weekly basis. oh how i wanted to become a mom who made cute mini pizzas. it seemed beyond my reach. way too difficult for this mom. i barely conquered bread for heavens sake. i still scare easily when the words allow to rise are mentioned in a recipe. for valentine's, summer emailed me her incredible pizza dough recipe and made my pepperoni dreams into realtiy. much to dan's delight, i've been making pizzas every other friday since then. the recipe makes two perfect 9" pizzas; i do one bbq chicken and one pepperoni (my side with olives). we split them and enjoy them with root beer and a movie and save slices for saturday's lunch. it is my new favorite date night traditsch.

am a fan of way too many darling invitations to mention. but i must say, this artsy invitation by betsy dunlap & co. is a beauty.

am a fan of attempting pretty paper pom poms. we had our last activity day event for our girls and made pom poms for their rooms. mine did not turn out as pretty as i'd hoped and i'm determined to make more. however the girls loved flying them as kites on that blustery afternoon.

am a fan of this cute hopscotch diy kit. cutest summer penpal idea ever.

a blog conference, part one

okay let me just begin. after attending a whole blogging conference about blogging, finding your niche, breeding new readers, managing online time wisely, photographing your family in their best light and branding your blog, i feel a bit shy to even open my mouth, so to speak. i came away with some serious insights from the CBC conference. mostly i've rediscovered a love for blogging and where it resides right now in my life. an ever-growing question.

i now know my blog doesn't fit into a nice and compact category like the experts taught me about. i don't think a niche can define this space. and come to find out, that could be detrimental to the success of the blog. i feel it's a diary of my life, the dreamy things i see and love. the thoughts i think, the feelings i feel. the inspiration that surrounds me. as i came away from the conference i realized where the blog belongs in my priority list. yes, i love blogging. yes, i think you should own up to it and make room for it in your life (if it's a passion of yours). yes, i agree that you should try to keep your audience interested and hopefully entertained. (all things i mentioned–or think i mentioned–when speaking on my panel.) however, after a whole weekend of living real life, i realize my online life is an itty bitty piece in the whole scheme of things. it definitely has a place, but i must admit, it is not the entire place.

let me give you the backstory. thursday night i was marching into a design deadline like a fearless soldier into combat. i've told you before, that when it rains, it pours around here and this weekend was no different. i was finishing the layout & design for another 100+ page book, the one i mentioned here. two printed proofs were due. i had to have them done, off my desk and off my chest before i went to speak at the conference on saturday morning. this was completely do-able, i knew. i have conditioned myself to get 'er done when a deadline is on the horizon. by one-thirty in the morning, i was double checking the final draft for correct pagination and updating the table of contents. then the ritualistic final look-through and the burning of the cd. done and done, without much drama. hooray. i love a drama-free deadline.

like an alarm, my little boy began to cry. he was awake and burning up with a fever. we traded off rocking him and holding him all the night through. this is exactly why you shouldn't leave projects to the last minute, i scolded myself. i then warned my future self to be much more on the ball. grateful that the project was at the print shop, i charged benj into the doctor's office the next morning. leaving with a determination for wellness and a lollipop. we took it easy all friday and did the classic clean-up before a trip tradition, between discussing benji's symptoms with the doctors that are in dan's family. i am all about getting a second and third opinion.

as the laundry whirled and i wrapped my hair into a muddle on my head and curled up with curious george and my own little monkey, i laughed more than once about being asked to speak on a panel about blogging zen and giving tips on balancing your life. how could i possibly give tips on this subject when my life felt like it was balancing on the cusp of chaos? i wondered and laughed and was thankful my boy's cheeks were no longer burning up. later on, we headed out with a smiling little boy and a completely patient, amazing, lovely hubby. times like these i am so happy he is so perfect for me. we drove to utah with bags packed and medicine handy and a notebook in my lap. i had free time on our long drive which meant enough time to get really nervous about speaking. not to mention, leaving my little one all day. dan soothed my worries, said he'd call if he needed me, and told me to have lots of fun.

we arrived in town, just to turn around to see my little boy in the backseat playing giddily with the hangers that were supposed to be keeping my conference outfit free of wrinkles and/or crumbs. right then, i stopped taking myself so seriously and gave them kisses.


tune in tomorrow, i'll mention a few tips we discussed about blogging zen. thank goodness the ladies on my panel were so prepared and so awesome.

mother

happy mother's day.

image via flickr

piece of my heart

oh how i marvel that i am a mama. lately i have been thinking about all the little moments that have added up to equal my motherhood experience thus far. all the days that turn into weeks and months and then suddenly my babe is sitting here eating a slice of quiche with a fork. so big. i look back and hope each day has been full of love and cuddles and laughter and singing. i hope i am building good memories day by day, like a tall tower of blocks.

i often say here on this blog that i want to be a better person, a better blogger, a better business girl. but most of all, i want to be the best homemaker i can be. i want to create a home wherein my children will have childhoods built on love and comfort and warmth and happiness and simple wholesome adventures. i want there to be forts made out of blankets in the basement that they beg to keep up all week long and artwork in frames going down the staircase and family movie nights and lessons on being a good sport and sharing with siblings and respecting your elders and always telling the truth.

i want my home to be a house of learning. i want to teach my kids about their grandparents and all the amazing things that have gone before. how my mom and dad fell in love in salzburg, had a whirlwind love story and later took all seven children to live in england for a year and continued teaching us about adventure and following your heart. or what life was like before cell phones and the internet; what we did before we had google. for the record, i would go to my dad, who was usually reading a book propped open on his desk or the kitchen table. and he would always help me with my questions. i never doubted his answers. i hope i am smart enough to help my kids with homework. i hope i have enough energy to stay up for them when they come home from high school dances, like my mom did. those were some of the best chats. and started my love for cups of hot chocolate at midnight.

i must say, babies are bliss. having a child has brought a new joy that i once heard about but didn't know until he came along. it's as though benji nuzzled up to my heart and added a new piece while he was baking in there for nine months. i am so thankful he was born into our family. he is healthy and happy and completely giddy about the simple things. like discovering my yardstick ruler in the craft closet. or trying on his new velcro sandals. or running around without a shirt. or little rituals before nap. ring around the roses is on repeat around here; he loves holding both my hands, smiling and waiting for me to sing the tune until we all fall down. i know this little boy is on loan from heaven, he is almost too good to be true. am grateful to know that i am entrusted with his care. what an amazing responsibility, gift and opportunity motherhood is. i couldn't ask for a better gift this mother's day.




"Recognize that the joy of motherhood comes in moments." - M. Russell Ballard

i love this article which honors the work of young mothers everywhere. every time i lift something, bend over or twist around to pick up a toy, i smile a little remembering this article. enjoy reminiscing about your childhood, your children or the beautiful mothers and grandmothers in your life this special weekend.