07 April 2008

hello halfway mark.

introducing the rest of my life. today marks my twenty weeks. i can hardly believe i am halfway into the journey of having this babe! this pregnancy has gone so smoothly; it's been a dream. yet i know there is much climbing to come. i am trying to take (and enjoy) one day at a time. i read somewhere that you're supposed to pour out your thoughts onto notepads to let your thoughts rest and help you sleep at night. this has become my coping method. not for just sleeping, but surviving.

to our delight, this weekend we found a stellar li'l place to call home in idaho. am so happy to have that big question mark checked off of my never-ending to do list. it is new and clean and spacious and bright, with room enough for the babe (and a dishwasher to boot). a perfect little nest to nestle into. on our drive home i was already thinking of color schemes and placement of bookshelves and frames to hang. when you look at it through the right lens, you begin to realize, it is fun to start all over again. you might have to remind me of that in a couple of weeks.

our church broadcasts a semi-annual general conference packed with enriched messages that teach us truths and enlighten our souls. i always look forward to it. i didn't even realize that my tank was getting close to low until i realized how each speaker said such wonderfully thoughtful things. whenever i watch conference, i get out my journal and write in details that i don't want to forget. these pages are motivating and inspiring and full of answers. my usual journal entry is often packed with questions for the future. i fill the pages with lists of wonders. at this point of my life, i feel like that list could go on and on. but when i get down to basics and think about my beliefs, i realize i can conquer these questions. i realize that i don't have to know the end from the beginning. i can simply live these questions out, as the poet rilke says. i always come away from the conference messages feeling uplifted and joyful; wanting to be a better person. to learn new things, to expand my knowledge, to seek out even more goodness in life. to reach myself further. i feel a motivation to become what i truly want to become and to figure out who i was meant to be; to stitch together the talents and characteristics God has given me to make the best me possible.

we babysat my niece the other day and while we baked up tater tots together, i read a quote that her wise mama had posted on the fridge. unfortunately i can't recall it's exact text, but it said something to the idea that we pull away from things that are not familiar to us because they are strange and difficult. new things aren't bad, they simply feel foreign to us. but if we always push unfamiliar things away, we will never know what could have been. we'll never push ourselves or test ourselves or get to know our strengths or understand our weaknesses. we will never build our muscles; physically, emotionally or spiritually. that would surely be a shame. if we always push away what appears to be difficult, we may never treasure the challenging experiences that create who we are. which is what life is really, truly all about.

our lives are all on the brink.

the brink of something great. i am not an expert in embracing the difficult; i am quite a wimp when it comes to things like this. but when i look back in life and think of what i've accomplished that i once thought was scary or hard; they are now memories of fond adventures that i'd never give up for anything. because i grew and stretched. and was forced to learn something. and in the process, i became more me.

i feel like in only a month's time we are jumping off a cliff into uncharted territory. and twenty weeks from now, we are planning for a mammoth (adorably darling and charming little) whirlwind to scoop us up and change our lives forever. day by day i want to push myself a little more and prepare myself for what's to come. i don't really know how to prepare myself really; i just want to become a better person. none of us know what tomorrow brings and what situations we would be best to prepare for. (sometimes i think a personalized blueprint would come in handy.)

we can only hope that the waters we have rowed up until now have made us strong enough to figure out how to cope for the next unfamiliar wild rapid. all we can do is strap ourselves in, hold on and enjoy the ride (and use our muscles).

19 comments:

thewindhover said...

Again Marta,
you make my day - for speaking with such passion and truth; I think we all get so caught up in "things" that we forget about actually embracing life or exploring God's grace and mysterious plans for our lives and our gifts. Thank you!

Summers Camp said...

How do you always know the right (write) things to say (type)? Congrats on the half point of the half pint, and cheers on the new house! These are exciting times for you. Good thing you've got some killer muscles to row that metaphorical boat of yours! *B

gab said...

Beautiful post! Details on the new place, please...

Christina said...

Thank you for rocking my world again with your wise words and for being so darn pleasant. I agree- conference was great and oh so filling. I can't wait for more details on the new nest.

the mama monster said...

marta- you are great! thanks for the good feelings you give off. i find i enjoy reading your blog more and more every time i read a post like this. congrats on the new house too.

cheeky said...

So honest, so you.
Life is an adventure, indeed.
None of us does know what tomorrow brings, as I'm sure God planned it that way because, let's face it, most of us would run away, far away, to avoid the unfamiliar, strange, difficult and unknown because it would be easier, safer and natural to want to protect ourselves.
Thanks to God, we don't have to. We can face whatever comes our way because we have Him.
I like to think of God's Word as my little *blueprint* and I want to bury His Word deep inside me so I will always be able to endure whatever is coming my way.

Lindsey said...

ugh.. I can always look BACK with fondness on those stretching tasks... but I have a very hard time in the process. I guess I am not that limber. :) Good for you to have such temperance.

Jessica Marie said...

Hi Marta - I don't know you but I love reading your blog. I was just wondering what part of Idaho you're moving to. I'm from Boise and absolutely love it there!

TravelinOma said...

This could be a page from my own journal (mine wasn't as poetic, however.)

You are just like your baby, growing into a new life. He might be a little scared, too, moving to an unknown world, but we all know he's headed to the absolute right place at the right time. And so are you.

Jane said...

beautifully put, and just what i needed to hear today.

Jane said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
amber said...

i love this. (i found you through jordan's blog). i'm getting read to move TO the city (Brooklyn) and I'm nervous to leave my cozy suburban home. I appreciate your thoughts. :)

KJ said...

you can so do this. If I can do it, you can definitely do it. I had a baby and moved to a new city and gave up all kinds of familiar things all in the same year, too. Muscles help.

Quelly said...

These were just the words I needed to hear/read today. Thanks for sharing these thoughts of yours - I can usually glean some sort of personal insite from them.

cjs said...

LOVED this post.

it's exactly what I've been thinking about.

congrats on the new nest.

wunderbug said...

marta, i loved that quote... i'd love if you found out who it was by and maybe posted it later? otherwise i'll spend forever googling it. :)

caitlin said...

hope it doesn't seem weird that a blog jumper like myself add a little comment (I prefer blog jumper over blog stalker since it sounds like puddle jumper, which let's be honest how fun does that sound in a lil yellow rain coat?) found you from a mutual friend's page (sweet Alana). love your blog. can't help but blog jumping to it on a regular basis! thanks for all the insights.

Kris said...

Loved this post. Here in Australia we get to see conference this coming weekend. I can't wait. You know, having a baby in your life is not really that strange. You will still be you and Dan will still be Dan, but with a little one you will both just be more. I don't know how to explain it better than that. It has been the best thing I have ever done in my life! Enjoy the ride!

jamieanne said...

So well put, Miss Marta. Congrats on finding a new place so quickly...at least you won't have to hang around in a basement for 7 months until you get all settled...like some people I know :).

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