a thousand thanks to you.
we had a mini vacation this past weekend to sun valley, idaho. it is a tradition to enjoy the sunshine up there every summer and it was a perfect time to get away for awhile. i am learning more and more that the quiet moments are the best in which i can really listen to the spirit. to appreciate what i've been given and attempt to cope with change. my life is full of busy lists and playing and napping and working and chopping fruit and doing dishes and folding laundry and enjoying company; i am going through the motions so often that i don't just give myself moments to be still. to breathe. and to learn the lessons i should be learning. it was on a quiet country drive that benji and i took a week ago when i knew i should write down my feelings. and perhaps, even share them.
i wrote and re-wrote my thoughts about my miscarriage and wondered if i should indeed post them. being vulnerable is nothing if not completely scary. but i still believe it is a good thing to exchange personal experiences. to open yourself up. it gives you an opportunity to connect with others. easier said then done. i even let dan read my essay beforehand. thank goodness for a go-to guy. i was afraid it would not be appropriate or simply too sad. he encouraged me. after talking myself in and out of it, i decided to pre-schedule the post for sunday, while i was still unplugged in sun valley. that way i couldn't undo it at the last minute.
we enjoyed ourselves. gorgeous surroundings, cute little gift shops, some swimming, some biking and hiking, bare feet in the park, chocolates on our pillows, the sunshine glimmering over the duck pond, sandwiches on rye bread, belgium waffles with whipped cream, listening to books on tape (literally, we still have a tape deck in our car). while driving home i saw rainbows form in the sprinklers along the farmlands. my little boy was carefree and cozy, sleeping in the backseat and my husband was handsome, strong and steady at the wheel. thanks in all things.
we came home from our roadtrip to find your heartfelt comments and kind words waiting in my inbox. wow. it really does heal my heart to read your thoughtful notes. like a huge group hug. thank you for opening up and sharing yourselves with me. it makes this whole blogging thing that much more incredible. everyone who has been so caring has taught me about love. the thing i have learned from this experience is that i wish i had been more caring, more understanding, more loving, more thoughtful to those who have dealt with difficulty and struggles in the past. i've promised myself to be better. i was never one to know what to say and therefore i would usually remain silent. i thought it would be awkward if i brought up the subject or would make them cry if i reminded them. now i realize all one needs is a hug, a loving note, any small gesture to say i'm thinking of you. i suddenly see that you don't have to have the right words to make someone feel a little bit better. usually those who hug the tightest are those who understand what sadness feels like and will mourn with you. right beside you. in these moments, i am learning so much.
today's quote of the day email came from realsimple.com. it seems to fit perfectly in this pocket of time. "The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in."
- morrie schwartz
stay tuned. vacation photos and awesome how-to's are all lined up for this week. xo.