we worked together collecting leaves the other afternoon. benji works energetically at whatever task is at hand. i now see what is meant when the scriptures urge us to become like a little child; full hearted and fully present. complete and true. loving and wholly trusting. forgiving and forgetting. cheerful and ever optimistic. good to the core. i am striving to become more childlike. having one as my sidekick helps me see life's important details more clearly.
we went swimming indoors yesterday morning. a spontaneous decision i made while tossing the towels in my giant swim bag. we hurried and left the house before i could remember to bring along a to do list. it was the perfect activity. we had no schedule, no time commitments, nothing pulling at my mind. we splashed in the water and kicked our legs and had the whole pool to ourselves.
i taught him the word again as he kept wanting to leap to me from the steps. again, again, he'd say. i was my favorite self and my heart felt full and lucky. he was happy as a clam and didn't seem to mind when swimming was over. no tantrum today, hooray. it wasn't so tough to wrestle him out of his swim trunks and into dry clothes. i asked myself, why don't we do this all the time? i then promised myself we'd do it more. make it a routine, a special outing for b and me. somedays i feel sad that i am not carrying his little sibling at the moment. it hits me that my second pregnancy ended too soon and i start feeling blue. but then i try to brush myself off and tell myself that the reasons will unveil themselves in due time. i then attempt to give my boy all of me. that is what i have at the moment. that is what i can do for him. i can give him my whole heart and let the worrying subside. i can wrap him up in my mothering ways and seek the brighter side of life. after swimming we treated ourselves to a wild berry smoothie from mcdonald's. we even took one to dan at work.
dan was happy and gave us kisses. my boy in the backseat sipped on the straw with puckered dimpled cheeks. i wished i had my camera with me. he looked cute in his striped shirt sipping strawberry smoothie from a straw. i thought it would make a sweet page for an alphabet book.
then there was sad news mentioned about a friend of dan's who has been battling cancer while living life to the fullest degree this past year. he passed away. the familiar pang of sadness settled into my heart. i thought of his loving wife who must learn (even moreso) about strength, faith and courage. i thought of their kids who will now cling to memories. i cried my way home. i thought of lauren, a little girl in our neighborhood who has been suffering from cancer. she, too, recently passed away, living shortly after her eleventh birthday. i wondered if somehow their families can feel the caring thoughts from acquaintances from afar. i hoped so. i hope they can somehow find love and peace and comfort in the loneliness of their sorrows. i pray they can feel God's love in a real way.
my soul is quiet for them today. i believe in families that last forever. i believe in life after death and i know death is not the end of our soul's existence. times like these i cling to that knowledge and take refuge in it like a cave in a windstorm.
i am amazed at the journey of life and the genuine undying love we can offer each other; the friendships we can build and the memories that can grow from the little moments we share. the meaningful carvings we can whittle into each other's hearts. i marvel at the way death can breathe newness into the lives of those living; to rejoice at what we have been given and let our small worries scatter away. i am ever reminded of what is right and good and important again.
we will be with them again.
i know this for sure.
p.s. i will be Blogging Golightly next week so i can tie up last minute strings for the upcoming harvest boutique. am getting super excited and nervous, but mostly excited. i also have a goal to figure out what this boy will be for halloween. thank you for your purchases from the mini mart shop this week. i entirely appreciate it. your kind comments really do me good. customers who take the time to email me after receiving goodies are almost too good to be true; i can't get enough of your awesome feedback. i'll be shipping your orders tomorrow. the new harvest postcards are going fast, so please don't hesitate to snatch yours up.