15 October 2010

leaves in a library book and other quiet thoughts

we worked together collecting leaves the other afternoon. benji works energetically at whatever task is at hand. i now see what is meant when the scriptures urge us to become like a little child; full hearted and fully present. complete and true. loving and wholly trusting. forgiving and forgetting. cheerful and ever optimistic. good to the core. i am striving to become more childlike. having one as my sidekick helps me see life's important details more clearly.

we went swimming indoors yesterday morning. a spontaneous decision i made while tossing the towels in my giant swim bag. we hurried and left the house before i could remember to bring along a to do list. it was the perfect activity. we had no schedule, no time commitments, nothing pulling at my mind. we splashed in the water and kicked our legs and had the whole pool to ourselves.

i taught him the word again as he kept wanting to leap to me from the steps. again, again, he'd say. i was my favorite self and my heart felt full and lucky. he was happy as a clam and didn't seem to mind when swimming was over. no tantrum today, hooray. it wasn't so tough to wrestle him out of his swim trunks and into dry clothes. i asked myself, why don't we do this all the time? i then promised myself we'd do it more. make it a routine, a special outing for b and me. somedays i feel sad that i am not carrying his little sibling at the moment. it hits me that my second pregnancy ended too soon and i start feeling blue. but then i try to brush myself off and tell myself that the reasons will unveil themselves in due time. i then attempt to give my boy all of me. that is what i have at the moment. that is what i can do for him. i can give him my whole heart and let the worrying subside. i can wrap him up in my mothering ways and seek the brighter side of life. after swimming we treated ourselves to a wild berry smoothie from mcdonald's. we even took one to dan at work.

dan was happy and gave us kisses. my boy in the backseat sipped on the straw with puckered dimpled cheeks. i wished i had my camera with me. he looked cute in his striped shirt sipping strawberry smoothie from a straw. i thought it would make a sweet page for an alphabet book.

then there was sad news mentioned about a friend of dan's who has been battling cancer while living life to the fullest degree this past year. he passed away. the familiar pang of sadness settled into my heart. i thought of his loving wife who must learn (even moreso) about strength, faith and courage. i thought of their kids who will now cling to memories. i cried my way home. i thought of lauren, a little girl in our neighborhood who has been suffering from cancer. she, too, recently passed away, living shortly after her eleventh birthday. i wondered if somehow their families can feel the caring thoughts from acquaintances from afar. i hoped so. i hope they can somehow find love and peace and comfort in the loneliness of their sorrows. i pray they can feel God's love in a real way.

my soul is quiet for them today. i believe in families that last forever. i believe in life after death and i know death is not the end of our soul's existence. times like these i cling to that knowledge and take refuge in it like a cave in a windstorm.

i am amazed at the journey of life and the genuine undying love we can offer each other; the friendships we can build and the memories that can grow from the little moments we share. the meaningful carvings we can whittle into each other's hearts. i marvel at the way death can breathe newness into the lives of those living; to rejoice at what we have been given and let our small worries scatter away. i am ever reminded of what is right and good and important again.


we will be with them again.
i know this for sure.

p.s. i will be Blogging Golightly next week so i can tie up last minute strings for the upcoming harvest boutique. am getting super excited and nervous, but mostly excited. i also have a goal to figure out what this boy will be for halloween. thank you for your purchases from the mini mart shop this week. i entirely appreciate it. your kind comments really do me good. customers who take the time to email me after receiving goodies are almost too good to be true; i can't get enough of your awesome feedback. i'll be shipping your orders tomorrow. the new harvest postcards are going fast, so please don't hesitate to snatch yours up.


Clare said...

I have de-lurked to say wow Marta, a really poignant and beautiful post.

Your boy really sounds like an amazing little dude.

You have a lot to be thankful for as I'm sure you are.

Lizzy said...

Life and death, happiness and sadness, all so close together, but love is al encompassing... You wrote a beautiful post, thank you.

Eileen said...

thank you for sharing your heartfelt words, Marta. I too have felt that ache of sadness, both from my own losses and for others going through loss. I very much appreciate your perspective, and the reminder of how the trying times link to the happy times ~ and how love is there for us through it all.

Hil said...

Beautiful post Marta. I can honestly say that some of the most precious times that Little Guy and I have shared together happened during those months after we lost our baby (and continue to happen). It is definitely one of those wake-up call times when you realize just how precious life is and how every moment with those you love counts.

Thanks for the reminder today. Sending hugs your way.

Kari said...

Thank you for that this morning . . . exactly what I needed to hear.

jacs23 said...

great post. it's amazing how a quiet soul, though our hearts may break for others [& ourselves]...can bring peace and comfort too. thanks for sharing your journey of emotions, sorrow and joy all in one day.


franny.glass said...

first time commenting. this post brought me out of my shell here... it's that good. thank you for reminding me we are instructed to be childlike and that that is IMPORTANT.

the Hawks said...

you're always a gem

allison said...

Such a perfect post.

Christine said...

beautiful post, thanks for sharing & reminding us of the important things in life :)

Katie H said...

i needed this today, as i think of a family friend who is succumbing to breast cancer. so sad. and yet, i am so thankful to know that she was part of a forever family. thank you for the reminder.

Abby said...

Great post mart. I love your words. You always have a way of reminding me what is important and what to focus on in life. Thanks!

Amanda said...

This was a wonderful post. It helped to remind me what is important in life. Thank you.

AndersenFamily said...

Marta! loved this post. I love those days when I am the mother I want to be, doesn't happen every day so I have enjoy it when I make it! I know people feel the goodness of others afar. I have often said how when my mom passed I felt comfort I didn't think existed. The pain was still there, but the comfort made it possible to go on. You are always so thoughtful.
Sending love your way :)

Travelin'Oma said...

Your thoughts are so lovely and you put them into the perfect words. I'm so glad you write.

country girl said...

These hardships form us like nothing else. So much pain and sadness, but also, so much deliberate living and searching for the good in this life. So much gratitude for the small things, which begin to feel like miracles.

I just ordered this...when I saw it I cried and felt my heart burst with both loss and comfort. Maybe it will mean something to you, too:

These words seem fitting:
"When we face the worst that can happen in any situation, we grow. When circumstances are at their worst, we can find our best."
-Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

Thinking of you and holding your hand.

Baboon said...

Thank you, Marta. I think I will read this post again, again and AGAIN.

Carlie said...

Another lurker here...stopping to say..."Wow." That's all. Glad I read this post. It'll stay with me.

Brittany said...

i always save your longer posts for when i have time to savor them. your writing really is so beautiful and eloquent.

Steven, Jenn & Olivia said...

You are so amazingly inspiring! All I can say is 'thank you' for keeping in my mind to be an available mother, emotionally and physically! I enjoy your writings :)

*Dream Weaver* said...

My new fiancée's mum just got diagnosed with cancer and she has a tumor on her brain.

It is tough being strong, offering your shoulder to cry and putting on optimism and hope when inside you just feel helpless and afraid of the unknown.

Yet, God has been my strength thus far and I am heartened and know that God is with my her, holding her, curing her and comforting us all.

Your post touched my heart.

Terima kasih. (thank you in Bahasa Malaysia)

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