a quick review before i get into it. i baked rye bread. i've been craving it for months and finally landed a recipe that tastes just like i remembered it. caraway seeds to the rescue. am eating avocados in salads and mashed up on bread (rye) with salted tomatoes on top. my open faced delight sits on my plate alongside a mingle of berries. it tastes like summer. for memorial day we took benj on a real train ride and not just any train ride. he was on cloud nine. we were too, to be honest. more photos to come. lately i have been buried in baby clothes; laundering, folding, hanging and sorting. glad i started this project early! we are smiling at all the teensy, tiny clothes and am pinching myself about a little man wiggling into them soon! making one small bedroom into a room suitable for two means filtering out all the unnecessaries. we finally ordered the crib (hooray) and sheets and i am staying up late researching how to paint furniture. am thinking a glossy red hue for a little table in the boys' room. benji has mastered the task of balancing a tiny ikea pencil behind his ear and jotting down scrawls which he calls measurements. okay, i'm the home depot guy and you're the customer at the check out. i can't believe i ever doubted having a toddler would not be all fun and games. it's the best. we are slowly devouring friday night lights along with talenti gelato, my new favorite frozen indulgence ever.
i can hardly believe today is the last day of may. the big kids are getting out of school and have begun to encroach on our quiet park days. summer has hit the neighborhood; friendly lawn mowers, dog walkers, home improvement projects, kids (including my own) up past bedtimes, everyone is out and about. summer is loud and boisterous and getting warmer by the hour.
in fact we had our first official family water fight last night. benji scored some squirt toys while i was stocking up on baby hangers (have you noticed that they are making alternatives to water guns? mine is a sea horse, benj has a fish and dan has an alligator squirt toy). we planned a water fight as soon as daddy got home. every time i look around, i decide three is a pretty perfect age. everything is exciting; he's big enough to do so many big boy things, tossing his two year old fears to the wayside. and still he is small enough to curl up for a nap, beg for more stories and sing songs. though old enough to have long conversations, run an afternoon of errands with me, get dressed unassisted, play by himself for long periods of time and do small favors for me. he strives to be good and do what is right. he talks about loving Jesus and trying to be like Him. no wonder we're commanded to be like little children; their hearts are of pure gold. in so many ways it's the best of both worlds. there is still some baby in his face and yet big boy feet filling out his shoes.
it's true–i know–i am pulling at our moments and greedily pocketing them. every day there is something worthy of writing down and i try to nip it into memory. but then, swiftly it is taken by another toddler sweet-ism and the second makes me forget the first. these moments are like clean clothes pinned to a line in the breezy backyard. such a breathtaking scene, even in its ordinary-ness. though we are too busy playing beneath the waving material that i can rarely breathe in the pure beauty of it. and before i know it, suddenly a strong wind comes and we create a new game of picking the loose clothing up. a new and happy memory is already in the works.
i am trying so hard to remember every single thing about us right now. i fear having a new baby will rock me so much that my memories (and mind!) will fade. of course i know in my heart that the baby will multiply our happiness and joy and love, but right now i imagine the baby's entrance will take over my mind; not unlike the rowdy pre-teens taking over the twisty slides at the park. i do not know what to expect, therefore i am soaking up our errands, our handholding, our duets.... like a starving sponge. it's a bit silly, i know. but i can't seem to help it. i am secretly (or not-so-secretly) taking it all in. it's ironic how i am simultaneously preparing benji to be the big brother, teaching him new skills i know he'll need when the baby comes, and still babying him in the quiet moments. scooping him up for longer hugs. giving in to a pile of mini marshmallows for dessert. letting him climb into the covers every morning to cuddle. oh how good it is to be a mom. i am realizing the rewards of a long hard day's work are right within my reach. i look down as we all cross the street together and feel his little hand hold tight and familiar to mine and dan's in the other; i have everything i could ever want. and growing inside me is yet another miracle, waiting to be discovered. i have so much to be thankful for.