31 May 2012

taking it all in.



a quick review before i get into it. i baked rye bread. i've been craving it for months and finally landed a recipe that tastes just like i remembered it. caraway seeds to the rescue. am eating avocados in salads and mashed up on bread (rye) with salted tomatoes on top. my open faced delight sits on my plate alongside a mingle of berries. it tastes like summer. for memorial day we took benj on a real train ride and not just any train ride. he was on cloud nine. we were too, to be honest. more photos to come. lately i have been buried in baby clothes; laundering, folding, hanging and sorting. glad i started this project early! we are smiling at all the teensy, tiny clothes and am pinching myself about a little man wiggling into them soon! making one small bedroom into a room suitable for two means filtering out all the unnecessaries. we finally ordered the crib (hooray) and sheets and i am staying up late researching how to paint furniture. am thinking a glossy red hue for a little table in the boys' room. benji has mastered the task of balancing a tiny ikea pencil behind his ear and jotting down scrawls which he calls measurements. okay, i'm the home depot guy and you're the customer at the check out. i can't believe i ever doubted having a toddler would not be all fun and games. it's the best. we are slowly devouring friday night lights along with talenti gelato, my new favorite frozen indulgence ever.

i can hardly believe today is the last day of may. the big kids are getting out of school and have begun to encroach on our quiet park days. summer has hit the neighborhood; friendly lawn mowers, dog walkers, home improvement projects, kids (including my own) up past bedtimes, everyone is out and about. summer is loud and boisterous and getting warmer by the hour.

in fact we had our first official family water fight last night. benji scored some squirt toys while i was stocking up on baby hangers (have you noticed that they are making alternatives to water guns? mine is a sea horse, benj has a fish and dan has an alligator squirt toy). we planned a water fight as soon as daddy got home. every time i look around, i decide three is a pretty perfect age. everything is exciting; he's big enough to do so many big boy things, tossing his two year old fears to the wayside. and still he is small enough to curl up for a nap, beg for more stories and sing songs. though old enough to have long conversations, run an afternoon of errands with me, get dressed unassisted, play by himself for long periods of time and do small favors for me. he strives to be good and do what is right. he talks about loving Jesus and trying to be like Him. no wonder we're commanded to be like little children; their hearts are of pure gold. in so many ways it's the best of both worlds. there is still some baby in his face and yet big boy feet filling out his shoes.

it's true–i know–i am pulling at our moments and greedily pocketing them. every day there is something worthy of writing down and i try to nip it into memory. but then, swiftly it is taken by another toddler sweet-ism and the second makes me forget the first. these moments are like clean clothes pinned to a line in the breezy backyard. such a breathtaking scene, even in its ordinary-ness. though we are too busy playing beneath the waving material that i can rarely breathe in the pure beauty of it. and before i know it, suddenly a strong wind comes and we create a new game of picking the loose clothing up. a new and happy memory is already in the works.

i am trying so hard to remember every single thing about us right now. i fear having a new baby will rock me so much that my memories (and mind!) will fade. of course i know in my heart that the baby will multiply our happiness and joy and love, but right now i imagine the baby's entrance will take over my mind; not unlike the rowdy pre-teens taking over the twisty slides at the park. i do not know what to expect, therefore i am soaking up our errands, our handholding, our duets.... like a starving sponge. it's a bit silly, i know. but i can't seem to help it. i am secretly (or not-so-secretly) taking it all in. it's ironic how i am simultaneously preparing benji to be the big brother, teaching him new skills i know he'll need when the baby comes, and still babying him in the quiet moments. scooping him up for longer hugs. giving in to a pile of mini marshmallows for dessert. letting him climb into the covers every morning to cuddle. oh how good it is to be a mom. i am realizing the rewards of a long hard day's work are right within my reach. i look down as we all cross the street together and feel his little hand hold tight and familiar to mine and dan's in the other; i have everything i could ever want. and growing inside me is yet another miracle, waiting to be discovered. i have so much to be thankful for.



16 comments:

Amanda said...

I'm not even sure what to say, Marta; I'm just sitting here, smiling :) You paint a beautiful picture with your words. Thank you for sharing with us.

McKinze said...

I so appreciate your honesty during this time! I've been reading your blog for a while now and love how you are able to so naturally share your thoughts and experiences with us. Thank you. :)

And, on a different note...FNL is good, isn't it?! I have a tiny crush on Coach Taylor, I have to admit.

Jenny said...

I have always loved three.

Melissa said...

Oh, Marta. Your post made me cry. I miss those toddler days. I worry that I didn't do enough or enjoy enough. Even though I'm sure I did, the new memories come and replace the old ones. I have a young woman in my house on the verge of 13, and my 10-year-old looks so little to me. I am constantly reminded to soak it in. I'm glad you are. Each stage brings fun and exciting memories. It's fun to read your reflections. You remind me of how I think and what's in my heart. You are doing a great job mama. :)

jessica said...

Very well put. Trying to soak in every little moment with my 2 year old before we grow to a fam of 4. You put many of my own thoughts to words... per usual!

Linn said...

Again, what a wonderful picturesque scene. You basically just showed perfection right here, at least in my mind. I'm so excited for you and your sweet, growing family!

Nessa Bixler said...

You put into the most beautiful words everything I have been feeling.

Claire said...

Marta, this is beautiful. You're a magnificent writer; one whom I look up to very much. What a whirling life you have right now. Can't wait til Addie is three to see what the perfect age is like.

Oh, and you know I will be picking up some of that gelato soon. Hello!

Anonymous said...

Beautiful. Simply wonderful. Thank you for your words on motherhood. I will be getting married in a couple months and we plan to jump right into the baby making. I hope we are blessed to be with child soon and bask in this amazing journey you speak of so beautifully! I can not wait! :)

mathistown said...

So beautiful. I'm constantly trying to bottle the goodness of my life with my 20 month old boy. I confess: I have read your blog forever, but have never commented because I usually read on my phone where comments are harder (bad excuse). We've even met in real life when we both lived in the Yalecrest 1st ward, but I was about to be married and we didn't know each other well. Aaaaand I saw you at the park today and didn't get a chance to say hi because I was 1) timid and 2) following my little guy around and when I turned around you were gone.

The point of all this is that I want you to know I stopped reading blogs six months ago because I just didn't feel good about my little life when I looked at it through the lens of everyone else's. But I still read yours because it's real, sincere, and full of life little beauties. So thank you. And maybe next time I see you around I'll be brave enough to venture a hello. :)

Meg said...

oh my...all weepy from your beautiful words. thanks so much for letting us in your lives and sharing such joy. I have 3 children and I tell you, as they multiply, your heart only expands...it is absolutely incredible. life is indeed wonderful. thanks again for bringing such honest joy to my evening.

Pink Panda said...

I know that 3 is a marvelous age, but I have to say that my favorite so far is 5! Kindergarten! Everything is so new and fresh to them! They love to sound out words, make new friends and give out hugs and kisses freely when you help in their class. And can I just say, boys are awesome! Welcome to a world of wrestling, pebble collecting, secret sharing, scouts and matching ties!

Anonymous said...

gosh I missed your heartfelt writing - thanks for sharing this
Rosa

Ashley said...

This post brought a tear to my eye. What a beautiful picture of motherhood. Three is such a fun age and four is just as good! They say the best things. I was a nanny for years and that age was always my favorite.

Miss Ashlee said...

"these moments are like clean clothes pinned to a line in the breezy backyard. such a breathtaking scene, even in its ordinary-ness." Such lovely words! I always love reading your snippets into motherhood.

Abby said...

LOVE this post! I remember feeling the exact way you described before Sam came along. So excited for the addition, yet a little worried about Jake and how a new baby would rock our world. And boy did he ever rock our world. But life with 2 is so much fun. I love watching my boys play together and even fight a little. I love watching Jake trying to teach Sam. Benji is at such a good age he will be such a wonderful help and big brother. I can't wait for you!

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