24 January 2007

LOL

{these quotes came to me via email - love whit. a favorite past time of ours is to read SNL's DEEP THOUGHTS to each other while laughing our guts out. i love jack handey. and apparently he loves me right back. well at least he has a wife named marta.
can you believe it?! i know, totally kindred spirits.
anyway, thanks miss whit. loved them.}


Mart..I just couldn't resist.
Enjoy these Jack Handey quotes.


"To me, it's always a good idea to always carry two sacks of something
when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, 'Hey, can you give me
a hand?,' you can say, 'Sorry, got these sacks.'"

"One day one of my little nephews came up to me and asked me if the
equator was a real line that went around the Earth, or just an
imaginary one. I had to laugh. Laugh and laugh. Because I didn't know,
and I thought that maybe by laughing he would forget what he asked
me."

"I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash
is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash
stuff, then when somebody comes up act like they just woke up and go,
'What was THAT?!'"

"Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto
someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to
laugh, because what IS that thing?!"

"Today I accidentally stepped on a snail on the sidewalk in front of
our house. And I thought, I too am like that snail. I build a
defensive wall around myself, a 'shell' if you will. But my shell
isn't made out of a hard, protective substance. Mine is made out of
tinfoil and paper bags."

"As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that
was very pleasurable---until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all,
but A HUMAN HEAD!!"

"Playing dead not only comes in handy when face to face with a bear,
but also at important business meetings."

4 comments:

Stie said...

I LOVE Deep Thoughts...too funny!

whit said...

I think one morning after a sleepover we were reading these all day..I don't think we made it out of bed to do our chores. They always remind me of you Mart..

Marty: said...

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them you'll be a mile away and you'll have their shoes.

jamieanne said...

Here in NY, I sometimes I wish I could use the first one as an excuse. I figure the more stuff I have in my hands, the less people will try to hand me flyers or ask me for money. Only I don't really like carrying stuff. I'm a whimp.

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