13 December 2007

notes to self: jcrew

i. if you head into jcrew for a holiday gift for your husband, you just might find something for him. something for him that he will most likely never wear. something you will want him to wear, but something that for some sad reason he will never wear. and you'll never understand why not. wrong color, wrong shape, wrong something. or maybe he might think it's not his style. unless his laundry pile is a mile high and then he will decide to don the beloved something and you ooh and you awww and it still doesn't change the fact that he is still not lovin' it. even though you know if North Face had made it, he'd be all over it. (let's be real here though, you'll never see a plaid North Face puffy coat.)

although he says it's not his style, you know differently. you've seen the catalogues. and your husband personifies them. he could be a walking jcrew ad. he's manly, he's tough, he's into fishing and rad classic Rovers and argyle. okay, not argyle, but he could be. and you can totally imagine you (in your tartan mini skirt and he in his tweed cap) carrying a lovely christmas pine tree over a green meadow of norwegian fields together. taking it to your cottage in the middle of nowhere to string cranberries and make paper ornaments. where there is no electricity, just amazing clothes. and of course when you are cooking your morning bacon over the fire, you'll wear four layers of 'tissue' turtlenecks, a bulky knitted scarf, an amazing pea coat and his best boxers. because that is how you live over in norwegian jcrew land. you're dressed for a white winter on top and a california summer on bottom. but as long as the puppy dog embroidered knee highs are cute, you're cozy.

hopefully you won't get your feelings hurt over the fact that his eyes don't sparkle when he lifts this something out of the box this christmas with his half-hearted thank you. {and let's face it, he won't notice the fancy gift receipt tucked sweetly into that tiny envelope. you'd pay five dollars just to take that home with you. baby envelopes that say jcrew. oh, the details.} because really, it's just stuff. you then realize you should have gone to sportsman's warehouse. where he told you to go hogwild.

on the other hand, if you head into jcrew for a holiday gift for your husband, you will find things for yourself. they will lure you with their itty bitty layered stickers over the true price tag that the item once was sold for. and you can hardly believe it is more than 75% off. you gasp and then comes the rush of temptation. you take it into the dressing room. just for fun. you can hardly believe it fits you like a glove. the whopping good deal price tag dangles before your eyes. you can hardly stand leaving that store without it in your arms. because, for heavens sakes, you need something to wear to this, that and the other. it's the holidays after all. you somehow can't imagine a speck of cloth inside your closet that comes close to this dreamy little number. you even go to the mirror outside the dressing room proper. and then you flick that little light switch and see, hmm, this is how it'll look on me day and night. you weigh your options and with all things considered, you're sold.


i realized last weekend, christmas means going to sportsman's warehouse and buying him something that i have to ask the guy behind the counter what it is, where it can be found and if it's the best of it's kind and if it has other accessories that go along with it. sold separately, i'm sure. knowing full well that this sales guy loves wives like me. vulnerable and armed with a wad of christmas cash with high hopes to make their hubby happy. carry on women of the world, cheers to getting them what they really really really want this season.

happy holidays.

31 comments:

Michelle said...

Ha! This is SO true. I could've written it myself. But you've done a much better job. Thank you.

100 Percent Cottam said...

i am so with you on this! i've totally given up buying clothes for my husband - it's a waste of money. and if he ever complains, i point him towards the store. he's a big boy. he can shop for himself! ;) glad i'm not the only one...

cyndi & lee said...

So sad...yet SO true! Glad to know I'm not the only one out there dealing with this very issue. Thanks for putting your eloquent touch to my very thoughts!

Robin said...

Ha ha, this is cute. Very true.

brooke said...

This is so funny and so dang true.

A. said...

Marta, my darling, you just are wonderful. I work at J.Crew, and I wonder how many times you've come in and we've not known each other. You must come back and introduce yourself! You're a peach.

Molly said...

i *heart* jcrew and resisted browsing there today because i have no self control, ha. christmas means buying all things transformer. i mean really, now i am shopping for three kiddos instead of two!

gab said...

Hahaha! Cute! I would love to see Brad and Dan wearing JCrew outfits handpicked by their stylish wives...they are such good-looking guys.

Even better, I would love to see you and I wearing our JCrew, Anthropologie and H&M outfits handpicked by ourselves. While the guys take all the kids to Cabellas!

Kelly said...

Lol! Thanks for the reminder! I was considering buying clothes for my dad this Christmas, but I'll remember to steer for the sporting goods store instead. Gift cards always get used, right?

M Shepherd said...

So, as a guy who would love J. Crew from a girl, I'm, what, the perfect catch?
Someone, please, catch me.

Marty said...

We should all just give each other lots of money and go buy our own gifts. Which is pretty much what I do anyway.

Kloth & Bolt said...

you took the words (that in a million years i could never write) right out of my mouth. -kb

leslie said...

i love it. love it all. for my guy it was and is and will always be about north face. or other expensive outdoor gear. but he is slowly (and willingly) incorporating some banana in there, too. just wish there was a jcrew over here. oh, i wish. i wish. i wish. not sure he would go for the online shopping thing.

EliseBlaha said...

yes. most for sure. cheer to us.

Lucy R. E. said...

ha! true true and true. unfortunately, my love wants me to go "hogwild" in EB Games. *sigh* good thing i'm crazy 'bout that big kid.

Jane said...

Oh, your description is what I love about JCrew. There is a story behind the clothing, even if it's a story you will never, ever personify.

melissa said...

you are AMAZING.
i feel so lucky to be able to read your writing everyday.
you are so gifted.
i am waiting for the day when you announce that you will be writing your own book.
i was laughing at the '4 tissue turtlenecks.' i love them, but so impractical for someone like me who is always cold!
:)

love.boxes said...

My sweetie is so nice about clothes he will wear whatever I buy him and pretend to love it, but he really wants fly-fishing stuff... so my shopping experience was almost going to be like yours, but I hooked myself up with hero brother-in-law-to-the-rescue... sweeties fly fishing buddy and he's doing the shopping for me!

lainakay said...

too, too cute!

chelle said...

Now, isn't that the truth...

This needs to be printed in the N.Y Times. And every other major U.S. newspaper. Seriously.

cheeky said...

Oh me oh my!
I laughed.
The imagery I had in my head of you in your tartan and him in his tweed cap traipsing through the snow, pine tree slung over said shoulder.
Like a lovely book I want to get lost in.
Fun
Adventure
Twist of love thrown in
and the setting . . . Norway {oh & aww}
I was all smiles.
Creative as always are you.

He needs a tweed cap. I'm sure North Face makes one of they, don't they? And if they don't. Pull a label from something else and sew it in. I'm sure he'll love it.

xo

Julie said...

That was cute and fun to read. You are a good writer.

Jessica said...

Unless you live in Spokane, which has NO cute stores. But maybe it's for the better...?

Courtney said...

Oh how true and funny. I literally laughed out loud. Thanks for the smile.

Nance said...

Very well put. My husband and I both try to buy each other clothes. He's not especially fond of what I pick out for him. Ditto for me and what he picks out. It's sort of humorous, yet we got through it with each holiday.

Courtney DeLaura said...

oh my gosh we are married to the same man. GOSH i wish he would just let me dress him like I do the kids LOL

Love your blog!!!

Dansie Family said...

luckily tom and i decided no gifts this year for this exacts reason. instead we will spend our money and energy on bringing joy to the little ones. they are much easier to please.

Horsley Home said...

I am laughing so hard at this!! It is "me" to a T!! Thanks for inspiring me to not make my husband someone he isn't!

Horsley Home said...

I am laughing so hard at this!! It is "me" to a T!! Thanks for inspiring me to not make my husband someone he isn't!

Alyssa said...

LOVE this! Very true and amazingly well written! I read it to my Mom over the phone and she couldn't stop laughing. :)

celeste said...

Yea, we avoided that whole conundrum this year and just bought all new ultra-light camping gear. It is a win-win situation; he's psyched and I'm looking forward to long hikes and starry nights with my favorite man.

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