11 March 2008

the story of my fat jeans

girls, do yourselves a favor.

once upon a time, on an autumn day four years ago, i lived so close to a mall, i could spit on it. and given the sorry state it was in, i really should have. anyway, the building was in a rapid decline and has since been torn down. still, my bus stop was temptingly right next to it. one day i got off the bus from a long day of torture: my 3D art class. this is where i attempted to create things in 3D. my teacher was a hilarious red headed bald man (it sounds like a contradiction, but he was redhead and bald) with dark freckles all over his head and a wardrobe that consisted of carhartts. he was not the typical hippie artist nor was he the snooty intellectual kind. he was rough and tough and cowboyesque; making sculptures with his big man hands. he made me rethink artistry altogether. i learned a lot in that class. and gained a love for the artform of installation.

though, thinking back, my treasures were truly hideous. i had/have no skill in bending wire or melting sheets of metal into shapes or surrounding rooms in cloth and such. i did gain a knowledge of working with wood, which i enjoyed. i loved the smell of the wood and seeing all the tools lined up nice and neat. i fancied the power saws and the fact that i was forced to use them and get over my visions of slicing my digits off. i later bought my own handy dandy power sander, which i love. i also made an oversized sandwich out of plaster; with green ruffly lettuce and all. i wonder where that enormous plaster sandwich went. i now appreciate 3D art more than ever, having suffered through that course.

anyway, back to the story at hand; i was in need of serious shopping. i moseyed in and out of stores. finding myself among the light weight pea coats and the button-up white blouses and the preppy striped scarfs in the gap. i like their clothes, but never on me. i hardly ever buy anything in that store. yet i checked the sale rack just to see all the fantastic deals i was missing.

lo and behold, my hand held onto a pair of jeans which looked practically perfect. the only one of it's kind. could it be? (i love that feeling. when you realize the salespeople messed up and placed a perfectly good pair of pants in the sale section and somehow had marked it down again and again.) these jeans had been stickered down to the famous gap price tag of $9.99. they are dark denim bootcut fit with no holes or fading or jewel studding or funky graffiti scrawled along the leg. (those types are always polluting the sale section.) uh oh. i notice the label: long and lean. darn. crap. hate that.

thankfully as i pulled them on, their label of long and lean was a major misnomer. for i am anything but long and lean. i am short and short. yet this pair of ankle length actually fit my short stubby legs. brilliant! hooray, hooray. a successful shopping excursion. just one problem. the only thing wrong with these blessid, beautiful jeans was the fact that they were two sizes too big; gaping around my middle. but they were short enough and under ten dollars and dark denim and perfect. plus, the back pockets were darling and simple (which my older sister amy taught was the most important part) and i was dying to pay a pretty li'l penny for jeans that don't fit. silly i know, but surely you've been there.

so i went home to put them on and decided i couldn't cinch the waste very subtly. i would just have to lay them in my drawer and wait. til i found my middle thick enough. but i was happy and no one had to know about the silly purchase i couldn't wear. i moved them to california and now in the drawer at my current place of residence. i once looked at my long and lean jeans longingly but put them into their place. who knew fat jeans could be so pretty to my eye?

today, (as the task of getting ready gets more and more frustrating) i threw off my skinny jeans and my barely still fit jeans and my other slink down way to low annoying jeans, i remembered. aha! my fat jeans. i took the pair out gingerly and pulled them on. oh goodness, the perfect fit. i was cinderella. but my hair wasn't in an updo and they were jeans not glass slippers and i am pregnant not a princess. but you get my drift. it was pure bliss. magic. comfy and roomy and cute. my belly loves me and these silly old brand new jeans love me back.

the moral of my silly story is this. someday you might watch your torso change for one reason or another or no reason at all and you will be sad that none of your fancy shmancy jeans fit. but you'll be too tired and too depressed to go jean shopping. therefore, buy yourself some fat jeans while you can. now, while you are still thin and fit and gorgeous. there will be a day in your future that you'll thank yourself for giving yourself a break.

do yourself a favor. when you land upon the right pair, buy yourself some fat jeans. you won't regret it. it's really a win win. either someday you'll find yourself growing into them and you'll love 'em or you'll never fit into them and you'll have earned a pat on the back for being obsessively fit and amazingly trim. you go girl. work it.

today i'm wearing them. and i don't care who knows it.

22 comments:

misti said...

I just went through my jeans this weekend, throwing out all the skinny jeans I could wear a short four years ago. I was sad until I found a pair of cargo pants tucked away under a mound of skinny jeans. I slipped them on and remembered why I loved them so. They fit skinny or a little portly. WOO!

You're an excellent storyteller.

Lindsey said...

Ahhh yes, soon you will find that your closet not only holds one size that fits you but three or four sizes in a variety of seasons . . pre-pregnancy, post pregnancy and somewhere inbetween i.e. mid-pregnancy, not pregnant enough for maternity clothes, but too big for regular clothes. Post pregnancy, not small enough for pre-pregnancy clothes, but too big for post pregnancy clothes. My closet is bursting at the seams and yours will be too. :) Just one of the many joys of pregnancy.

kate said...

i know exactly what you mean! i have a few purchases like that - pants that i only ever owned because i had money burning a hole in my pocket. they always sat in my drawer until a few months ago when i needed them for the same reason you need yours.
also good to wear during the middle months are the empire-waist shirts...there are lots of 'em out there, and they're not as expensive as the "maternity" shirts (at least, not here in canada).
good luck with everything!
~kate

katie said...

i love your writing so much! i also wanted to share that my college 3D art class was one of the worst I've ever taken, and it's given me an appreciation for people that actually can make things in more than 2 dimensions.

love the story of the fat jeans. . . maybe someday I'll be glad I saved a huge box of my "freshman 15" clothes in the attic. :)

KJ said...

I wore my fat jeans until about 6 months along, and then again a week after baby came. In fact, I bought extra fat-clothes to wear during pregnancy because I couldn't find any appropriate summer Maternity wear. Those gauzy tunic tops and khakis a size or 2 larger than my usual were lifesavers!

Jen said...

I love your story but I can already hear my husband saying "You don't need 6 pairs of jeans" and trying to justify my reasoning :-)

Christie said...

Where were you when I was pregnant? Oh, yeah. Wearing your cute skinny jeans. That in-between stage is THE WORST. I let myself get into the maternity jeans way too early. And I looked horrible and felt ugly. You are one smart little chickie.

the mama monster said...

you could even prolong the life of your jeans by adding a good old maternity waistband. it really is easy and then your jeans won't bug you when they need to be pulled oh so high on your tummy. i also have some jeans ( from that steve and barrys) that were $9 so i decided to add a big old blue waistband and tada- cute maternity wear!

joslyn said...

all my jeans are fat jeans. sigh.

gab said...

I think you bought those fat jeans for a chubby older sis as a "these are cute for you" gift and just forgot to send 'em over.

I have a whole closet of fat clothes just waiting for you.

Dansie Family said...

the worst stage of pregnancy, but i'm glad you found some jeans to make it wonderful. i have a pair of long and leans (hand me downs, of course) and i love them, but mine were not fat jeans and i had to wait until just a month or so ago to fit the post-prgnancy body into them.

Jessica said...

NOTHING better than the one or two pairs of pants that get you through the "Not quite maternity stage" and the "I thought I would be back into my pre-pregancy size by now but (gasp) I'm not" stages. Yay for you.

One Love Photo said...

Love this post! When will you start a novel for us all to enjoy? I am happy that you are enjoying your new shape (or at least trying to). I am doing the opposite trying to get out of the fat jeans. But I have read that you should buy yourself lovely duds whatever shape you are, even if you hate your shape. At least then you have clothes you love to cover whatever shape you are at the moment (love it or hate it).

amy said...

haha! what a perfect pregnancy story.

i'm kelly said...

you crack me up... find yourself a good pair of draw string pants. they've seen me through many pregnancies.

Be the change..... said...

I love the gap -i have a hard time finding clothes that fit as well but somehow I always manage to find something there that makes me feel NORMAL -that I can buy a pair of pants that don't need to be hemmed in or up or out cinched or something!

love.boxes said...

Hooray! I love all that happiness for just 9.99! :)

Liz said...

what a great story. no babies for me yet, but 30 is only months away and my middle section has started showing the signs of age, quite literally. Jeans still seem to fit fine, but I find myself buying baggier and baggier tops. Thank god for this trendy "maternity/hippie" look!

Sarah said...

its a sad day in a pregnant womens life when she outgrows the fat jeans. but you are not there yet so savor it.

Who Sees the Seven... said...

Talk about turning lemons into lemonade. And I thought we girls only had our "skinny jeans". Who knew?! You sound like you are glowing with more excitement everyday and it will be so entertaining for you to read all of these posts post-pregnancy too! Congrats, again!

sonrie said...

usually I get frustrated because I can't find any long and lean jeans on the sale rack; but I am happy that they have worked out for you.

susan said...

Trying to play catch up on your blog and read this post.

I don't suppose your teacher's name was... Clay.

And you lived in... Ogden.

Because if by chance this is the case, I had Clay for my teacher—twice. And I live in O-town.

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