20 April 2010

wedded bliss: 5 bits of advice

i think kayla's idea of a surprise virtual bridal shower for elise is a most fabulous idea. hooray. elise is one of my favorite bloggers. one i know i'd be friends with, in real life. congrats to elise + paul. xo. i'm so happy she's found such happiness. am delighted to offer up a few notes of wedded wisdom in their honor.

01. be happy to make each other happy. once you marry, your selfish whims can go out the window. with this ring, you have new responsibility to do all in your power to think of him before yourself. i once heard that if you aren't working towards a good marriage, then you are on the road to a rocky one. tend to your marriage like it's a garden. give of yourself willingly. the first few years are just practice, before tiny ones come along and reading a novel while soaking in the bathtub counts as complete selfish luxury.

02. cuteness counts. take note of what he likes and never stop being a cute wife; surprise emails, love notes in his luggage, homemade peanut butter and jellies, a cold can of
dew when he gets home from work, a batch of cookies every sunday, pizza fridays, a mix of 80s hair band tunes, chocolate milk after a big bike ride. find little ways to celebrate the every day. it doesn't cost a lot to make your man smile.

03. be open to new ideas. okay, so a few differences are bound to show up once you marry. he prefers his old t-shirts
rolled instead of folded. he never sets the table with knives. he drinks from the orange juice carton. he doesn't believe in dryer sheets. just roll with it, most things are definitely not worth getting in an argument over. these are the same quirks you might miss someday. you two can be joined at the hip, but you don't have to do everything exactly the same. you might even find yourself married to a registered republican. and that's okay. what would life be without a touch of diversity?

04. lace up for cheerleading camp. not only did you sign up to be a best friend for life, but you also signed up to be head cheerleader. and he did the same for you. when you get married, you're signing up for
life. life together. and even though wedded life is way more fun than single life (in my humble opinion), life is still life and thus, can get really tough. and when the tough gets going, you need a cheerleader. i could go on and on about this subject, but let me just say, if it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger. lean on each other during the challenges that life throws you. when you look back, those trials can become your best moments in marriage. no one knows what lies ahead a pair of newlyweds; years and years of college, infertility, broken bones, loss of jobs, career changes, cross country moves, deaths, births. there are numerous big decisions. the advantage of being married however is that you have each other throughout the whole adventure. and that makes everything better. through thick and thin. hold his hand and jump.

05. love love love. when he hints for pancakes in the morning, love him for loving your cooking. when you wonder who is right vs. who is wrong, love him for who he is. when you wish he'd send flowers on a whim, love him for emptying the dishwasher this morning. when his muddy boots are on the rug next to the couch, love him for taking them off
before he got onto the couch. when he's sleeping through your chick flick saturday night, love him for getting up early to coach the kids' soccer games. when you say one unkind statement, say five loving ones to undo it. when he gives you a compliment, love him for loving you. be forever in love with the one you love.


marta + dan. our wedding day, circa 2001.


p.s. thank you to jen for featuring my mini diaries today. i will be taking mother's day orders in my shop all week long. 


29 comments:

virginia blue said...

beautiful advice...the entire post made me smile and nod my head! love the pictures, too :)

i've left you an award on my blog today...stop by when you have a chance!

::xo::

Diane said...

You are a wise woman. I have been married almost 20 years longer than you, and I find your advice spot on.

I have found that kindness reigns supreme in loving marriages, and your five items point firmly in that direction.

Hannah said...

I had someone ask me for marriage advice on formspring, so I've been working on a post on this very subject. I think I may need to point them in your direction, though. This is wonderful advice.

You were a beautiful bride!

EliseBlaha said...

gave me tears. thank you sweet friend. xo. thank you, thank you. wish we could meet up in real life.

Rhonda Moon said...

Well said. I especially agree that it doesn't cost a lot to make your man smile.

Christina said...

Fantastic advice. I especially love the part about being a cheerleader. I'm currently in the middle of possibly the hardest time of my life thus far, and I've been so grateful for my spouse being my #1 support. I don't know that I've seen many pics of your husband sans beard. Love the wedding pics!

summer said...

i couldn't agree more, marta. with everything you said. and what a sweet gesture this is, and for a sweetheart of a soon-to-be-bride!

the wisdom was abounding all over the place in this happy list of 5. i'm especially glad for the reminder of thinking of my husband before myself. this is absolutely first and foremost. 'dying to self' must be my mission everyday!

i also really appreciated the encouragement to keep being a cute wife. brilliant. and to 'roll with it'.. oh so true!

thank you, as always.

ps. you made such a pretty bride! i love how happy you look.

Kristen said...

Absolutely beautiful! I loved reading and definitely smiled the whole time! Great post!

Amy --- Just A Titch said...

I'm not married yet, but this post gave me butterflies. Such sound advice.

You're always so lovely, Marta :)

Hil said...

Amen. Love the advice!

Tiffany said...

Lovely, lovely, lovely advice. I especially like number 5.

j... said...

we all need those reminders...more than every-once-in-awhile :)

so thanks! for the reminder! and the inspiration!

sherlonkahkai said...

Beautiful words of advice and gentle reminders for myself.

Amy said...

I think this is a little him-centric. Women shouldn't lose their identity to their marriage. A previous commenter mentioned ''dying to self' must be my mission everyday!'. This could be a personal thing; but that doesn't sound like very solid advice. You shouldn't give up parts of you.

leni said...

you are such a fantastic mother and wife! thanks for the words of advice (even though they were meant for elise.)

Carol said...

Thanks for the sweet words. I'm going to show them to my son and his fiance. They are getting married May 1st. Maybe coming from someone younger will make a better impression! :)

DAN said...

I think Amy has a very good point. Both spouses should have the opportunity to pursue goals and interests and to develop skills and talents that give them identity. Marriage is a partnership and husbands need support wives just as much as they need to be supported. I would respectfully submit, however, that a successful marriage does require both spouses to "give up" certain parts of themselves: the selfish part, the bossy part, the arrogant part, the fault-finding part, etc. I think that when a person gives up those parts, he or she has more room to develop the parts that really make up his or her "identity."

And, for the record, I'm no longer a registered republican.

Rambles with Reese said...

Marta, what you've written is so beautiful and incredibly wise. I love reading your advice on work, creativity and life. But, my favourites are when you write about relationships.

My husband and I believe and try living by many of the same principles.

Gabi said...

Hooray for a happy marriage!

P.S. Your new blog doesn't come up on my bloglines. I resubscribed and everything...what am I doing wrong?

tulipsrock said...

Amazing words of wisdom! Thank you, I was mad at my husband for something silly, but reading blog made me see the other side of our argument! My hubby thanks you for letting me the see the light!!!

Flighty Me said...

I love all of this, especially #4. We celebrate the big 11 this Saturday and after 2 young kids, we are still each others best friends and can still make each other laugh. I think he's pretty cute too, so that helps :)

Justin + kelly said...

Beautiful! Just what I needed today.

Mommy of three said...

I am new to your blog, and after reading this post, I really, really love it.
This list is so real and sweet and refreshing it made me cry. How nice to see someone who believes in serving her husband, making him feel special and being his cheerleader. It's just not a message that's out there much anymore.
Also, you are a really great writer. I'll be back for more.
Love from Greta

Krista said...

such great reminders. love it. thanks marta.
and what's so bad about being a registered republican?

Destri said...

Perfect...

whit said...

lalalalove this post..exactly what i needed to hear!! Thanks you.

Jennifer said...

i don't remember who linked me to your blog, but I love it. Thanks for the marriage reminders!!!!

Amber Lee said...

i love it. all of it is just right.

leni said...

dan's comment was so sweet. you are a lucky lady!

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