07 December 2010

sweetness.



we spied these santa claus cupcakes at a cafe last weekend.
the marshmallow beards were just too cute. i love christmastime. 
especially watching what delights my little boy.

santa is the big word around here. hi santa. bye santa. and ho ho ho! we're cuddling up tonight with a christmas movie, twinkle lights and writing christmas cards. little women, elf or family man is on my must-watch-soon list. 

more importantly. i am hoping you're feeling all merry and bright.
and if not, perhaps, calm and peace can fill your homes and your hearts. 

i've been thinking a lot these days. my would-be due date is approaching and i have pangs of sadness and depression. benji has learned the word baby and often brings the baby Jesus to me, from our nativity, cradled in his arms. it is the sweetest thing in the world. and nearly breaks my heart knowing that i once imagined him having a little sibling at this special time of year. i am learning what having faith means. i've gained great perspective from enduring the trial of a miscarriage. i realize this is a hard time for a lot of you. the holidays that are supposed to be happy and magical are often the hardest for those who have suffered loss and pain. my soul feels quiet remembering that.

i recently read a beautiful (strong, courageous, incredible) post by my friend erin. (all her blog posts are this way.) she and her husband lost their newborn baby just days after he was born, this past february. her inspired writings about her son henry have truly opened my eyes and my heart. i am grateful to her and many others who let us into their world and let us see what it might be like to walk in their shoes. i feel we are better people when we understand each other a little bit more. every time she writes, she teaches me something about life, about faith, about a mother's love. my heart just did a little lurch, mourning for their empty arms this christmas. of course erin was the one to write the sweetest of sympathy notes soon after my miscarriage, amidst her own deep sorrows. she is a strong example of the kind of loving wonderful friend we can be, especially at this time of year. i hope and pray i can be a bit more sensitive and thoughtful and generous this season.


21 comments:

jeanette from everton terrace said...

First, that image is so very precious - I love it. The mittens and the way he seems to be marveling at the holiday treats, well it's great.
Secondly, I'm glad you've had so much support and have found other's stories a comfort. Time, as with all wounds, helps. I have a niece who is the same age as the child I lost on my 6th and last miscarriage. For the most part I have moved through it and it's been a while so I can just focus on my many other blessings (and one grown and lovely child) but around that niece's birthday every year, I remember and that loss is fresh. Gentle thoughts of continued healing for you this Christmas.

ashlynn said...

sweet post Marta. It was great spending Saturday morning with you, thanks for letting me talk ... I should have let you talk more. Talking about loss helps me so thank you.

Does your husband really watch little women with you, that's the one movie mine won't watch & I love it!

Hope your christmas is one to remember with happiness.

Kirsten Krason said...

That pictures is truly sweet and your words (as usual) bring tears to my eyes. Thank you for your wonderful thoughts.

Travelin'Oma said...

It is amazing to see how people deal with sorrow and grief with such faith. I'm reminded not to judge, since I never know what someone else is dealing with.

the southern hostess said...

Thank you for this thoughtful and honest post. Your words are so beautiful.

Ronda said...

Love the picture of the little cupcakes. Marta: my heart goes out to you and admire you for the way I see you handling this. Our thoughts and Prayers are with you and your family at this time and hope that you have a great holiday season.

carla thorup said...

i both hate and love that sorrow is apart of our lives. it usually stings so bitterly, but gives courage and strength and love more bountiful than the sting.

thank heavens for that. wishing you a joyful and full holiday season.

Lady Day said...

Oh Marta, wishing your family the warmth of love and ordinary courage this holiday season.

adorninc said...

This post was so lovely and sincere. I wish you peace this holiday. Big hugs to you.

Hannah said...

I've suffered a loss through miscarriage as well. It was heartbreaking. But, going through that trial has helped me to empathize with others' losses, greater or smaller than mine.

I am praying for your friend and for you. I know, 6 years later, that my mind still turns to the lost baby when my would-have-been September due date comes. We moms will never forget our babies. No matter how small they were when they left us.

Thank heavens for our faith. It allows our broken hearts to mend. Yours will too. I'm so glad to know that their is Someone who truly understands us - and everything we go through.

You are an inspiration, Marta. A true gem. I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

Carly said...

in a very small way, i can relate to your feelings: the pain and sadness, the real awareness that someone is missing. hoping you feel the calm and peace this holiday season!

Melissa Allam said...

Oh, dear Marta, I pray for comfort and peace for you during this time of remembering and sadness. Although you will have more children later, you will always remember the one you lost, but I know with your faith you are comforted knowing your child is safe in the arms of God. I had a miscarriage 16 years ago and every October, around the due date, I start to feel a little sad and agitated. I don't really realize until later, the reason why. I think it will always be with me. Glad you are seeing the joy through your sons eyes during this holiday season.

Rachel said...

My heart is with you - just as we feel joy more keenly during the holidays, we also feel loss. Allow yourself to feel both, dear.

Dee said...

this is such a precious picture. i love it.

Christina said...

Enjoyed this real authentic you post. Hoping your holidays are indeed filled with sweetness. It's hard to experience the bitter so we can recognize and rejoice in the sweet, but somehow it makes it that much sweeter. Merry Christmas, Marta.

maryirene said...

my heart is with you. it heals slowly...but we never forget.

Cherish Stockdale said...

those cupcakes are adorable! what a good idea!

Lora said...

Thank you for this post.

Katie H said...

I loved this post. And loved reading about Erin. My heart goes out to her, but I am so thankful for her strength & testimony.

Audrey said...

Marta, I'm new to your blog so I didn't know about your miscarriage until reading this post. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I've suffered a number of miscarriages (enough so that I can't keep up with my would-be due dates anymore!). Whenever I read about someone else's experience and hear about their strength, it helps me as well. I'll be checking out Erin's posts as well. It's amazing how writing the words does make one feel a little better....what a gift. Keep your chin up, will be thinking of you... Happy Holidays!

caitlin said...

Have been meaning to pop over and comment on this post for a while. But you know Decemeber.. I think I checked my google reader twice all month. Anyway..

Love this post. Love your upbeat attitude. Love you. Hope your holidays are great, Merry Christmas dear Marta.

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