30 September 2012

sunday thoughts / mothering two

photography session by jessica haderlie. (read her photography tips here!) 

today our little seth turns two months old. it's mind boggling to me because i feel like we've known him for years. he is getting so big and beautiful. those days when he was sick in the hospital (at just two weeks old!) now seem months long that i was holding him and singing to him and getting to know him. i was praying for him to be well and promising myself that i would never take being a mom for granted. how still that white hospital room was; with no laundry looking over my shoulder, no dishes to groan at, no one else to entertain. just he and me. (and beeping monitors and tubes and and IVs and machines.) i feel so blessed that i could stay the few days by his side while others lovingly tended our big boy benj. what relief i felt to know he was in good hands!

 those moments i bonded with seth and knew this baby was meant for our family. i knew he was a spirit straight from heaven. i had been fearful and anxious and excited about the unknown of a new babe, of having two. how on earth would / could my love double as a mother? my love had been tightly swaddled around benji for four years. i didn't know (and somewhat doubted) i could love another as much. and suddenly, there he was with his curious baby blues and his dark copper hair, right in my lap, and there was the love, unconditionally spilling out of my heart. it unfolded from the tight swaddle; my heart bloomed (just like everyone said it would). the amount of love surprised me just as the shade of his hair did! it came easily; as a gift from God. i know many mothers struggle to love a crying fussy newborn, i realize the ease in loving my babes is truly a blessing.

 as i rocked seth, with his oxygen tubes around him and his little body attached to tangling cords, i knew deep in my heart he'd be okay. i felt thankful this situation wasn't worse; his tests were coming back affirming his good health. he was strong. i wanted so badly for our boys–the whole family of four–to be back home together, creating messes for me to clean up. perhaps those quiet moments in the hospital were preparing me to love the routine of life and be thankful for the cries at night, the constant feeding, the nurturing that is needed (and expected) from a good mom and wife.

being pulled in every direction is something to get used to. being at the hospital with him and nothing else to do made me appreciate all that there is to do at home! all that i get to do! mothering two is a juggling act and every day i congratulate myself on some small accomplishment; we got naps today or i mopped the floor or no one sat in front of the tv like a zombie or both boys are not melting down at the same time! the five o'clock hour seems to be tough; both boys needing me. (and then there's me–still in strange lounge attire–attempting to hunt down a dinner recipe that doesn't require any meat–or chopping, mincing, or assembling–since i forgot to thaw anything..) i am grateful for family (a forgiving one!) and for the opportunity to be a mama. it's the best job i've ever had.

 seth was given his name because we loved how it feels solid, strong and classic. we loved that it comes from scripture and has a heritage of good qualities. wells is his middle name, after my dad. anyone who knows me knows how much my parents mean to me. i could write pages about their incredible qualities that inspire me. i've always hoped (and planned) to name one of my littles after my dad. in his own sweet way, seth lives up to his name and seems like a wise old owl when i look into his eyes.

today was seth's blessing day; which is why i'm feeling so overwhelmed with gratitude and happiness. we celebrated the day with our families. in our church, a priesthood holder–in this case, dan–and other male family members circle around and he offers a prayer, a special blessing to give the baby a name and blessings from Heavenly Father. 

p.s. dan gave me Nie Nie's memoir for my birthday and i cannot put it down. it is an amazing story; with such personal detail about her accident, recovery and family life. it is beautifully written. and captivating. i read it while taking a bath the other night, drained out all the water and still stayed in the tub for a few minutes to finish another chapter! reading about her incredible struggles truly makes me thankful for life.

17 comments:

Kerry June said...

i love your little swedish looking baby crib! & the adorable quilt he is laying on! so cute

holtkamp said...

we want to have another baby but for now i can't imagine being able to love another baby as much as i love my little one now. thank you for your lovely words and encouragement that it can be done with two kids :) -jen

Melissa said...

Congratulations on this special day. My memories of blessing day were even more special than baby shower memories. Of course the specialness of the blessing itself, but to have friends and family gather to celebrate seemed to be a celebration of the new babe's life and an affirmation of how wonderful and unique each is. So fun.

Susan said...

I cried with happiness by the time I finished reading. Your gratitude and love for your family is palpable. It took me back to the days when my two children were young. I remember feeling the same way. Actually I still do and my children are 27 and 30 with full, rich lives of their own. They are as present in my heart now, as they were then. I don't need to say "Enjoy" for you clearly are.

Warm regards, Susan

HAS said...

Lovely as always, Marta. Thank you for sharing these powerful, loving thoughts on motherhood and your family.
I recently had my 3rd baby, and am feeling so overwhelmed. I also feel guilty/inadequate as a mother to my other two (4 and 2). I've been reading your blog eagerly to 'shore' myself up with positive vibes that you share so beautifully. Thank you! (and thank you for the honesty about dinner issues, lounge attire, and tv guilt!)

Kerri Lynne said...

This post makes me look forward to being a mama in a few short months even more :)

Eeny said...

like i said before, i love the way you write about your boys. it's just perfect. and it is a blessing for benji and seth to have you as their mom. by the way, they are both so adorable. love that picture of benji. being a big bro suits him well =)

Marianne Z said...

Oh, your words are placed into sentences with such beauty. Well done! You write what I feel, thank you!

Megan said...

These are gorgeous photos. You know, mothering two children is NO JOKE. It's so hard, but so wonderful all at once. I've found it's gotten easier and easier to swing it all as time has gone on. The new normal will settle in. And I have my backup emergency Snickers bars just in case. LOL

kathy said...

Your words are beautiful. And so are your boys!

Claire said...

What exquisite pictures, my friend. I love how Jessica captured simple mothering moments (I'm not a fan of the train tracks or luggage either!). Benji and Seth's room is adorably decorated and you are a breathtaking mama. I can't believe how big Benji is!

Destiny said...

Thank you for your words; they are beautiful as always. I am getting ready to be a mama to two girls. This post was most encouraging to me and I do so look forward to experiencing life mothering both of them.

Travelin'Oma said...

Your blog constantly blows me away.

Mandie Segura said...

marta- they are SO delicious! Precious boys & lovely thoughts from their precious momma. :)

Nessa Bixler said...

Other than being so behind in reading those that make you smile or inspire... 2 is tough and so much more rewarding.

Love these photos. Happy boys.

mama jo said...

what a doll he is...you have such beautiful kids!

Debie Grace said...

Baby Seth is so adorable! :)

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